Strip
by Tess 4 5
Summary: It goes on and on and on... This one-shot has developed into some story! It all started with heat and undressing, continues at a construction site and ends later...
1. Strip 1

**Author's usual notes and disclaimer:** I don't own any of the original characters nor the original Inspector Lynley Mysteries – they belong to Elizabeth George and the BBC. I have borrowed the characters from the TV-Show and solely own the ideas of _my_ stories and the developments _I've_ let them go through.

Please write a **P** rivate **M** essage if I did something terribly wrong so I can fix it. Thanks!

Please read and review! More thanks!

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 **Author's note and summary:** A one-shot. Heat. Undressing. Poor summary.

Enjoy a...

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 **Strip**

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He's talking but I do not listen to his words. I don't even remember the topic. All that reaches my nerves is his voice. That timbre I would recognise out of a million voices. It still sends shivers down my spine when there is nothing else of interest or other distraction. Like there isn't now. It's not important what he says. He speaks and his voice reaches my innermost instincts. I indulge in ignoring _what_ he says. I just lean back in my seat and watch him for a while. I still love to do that after all those years.

He takes off his jacket without interrupting his monologue and hangs it on a hook at the wall right next to him. Under the jacket his sleeves have been rolled up already because it is a warm afternoon. For my liking it is too hot but that may as well originate from that hot man in front of my eyes and the thoughts that pop up in my head.

He could do with less clothes.

He takes a sip of water and opens the top button of his shirt as if he had read my mind. I guess he does read my mind all the time. Sometimes I'm probably an open book for him although I usually try to hide it. His eyes met mine for a short moment. I could swear there was a twitch of a smile in the corner of his lips. I know I'm smiling too.

Unfortunately he wears no tie. I love the sound of the silk swooshing through the tunnel of cloth of his starched collar every time he puts it off. That sound would fit now. Fortunately the top button was not enough so he gives me the joy of watching him opening the second top button too. There are a few curly hairs on his chest that now peep cheekily out of the open collar. Years ago when I first have seen him naked, or half naked in nothing but a towel that is, they have been as dark as the mop of hair on his head. Like at his temples it is slightly grey now. We all don't get any younger.

I sigh.

He's still a very handsome man and I still love to simply look at him although we now have worked together for more than ten years. Closely together. Even closer in the last years. And he still is my boss, I suddenly remember, but somehow this idea thrills me in a way I never have thought possible.

 _Naughty girl!_ I think to myself and divert my eyes to the grounds. He shouldn't see my smug grin.

He has not seen it but when I look up again his eyes meet mine again. I briefly smile and he answers it with the slightly mocking eyebrow I actually love to see arching now. The accompanying smile he gives me, and always only me, makes my knees weak. I wonder if he knows that I'm sometimes short before melting when he looks at me that way. He always leaves me in a state of jelly.

I have to chuckle.

It makes his smile turn a bit more mischievous than usual and I become nervous. When he starts raking his hand through his hair, I openly answer his smile but I'm a bit uncertain now. When his smile turns into a broad grin, he's got me. My face blushes and I try to think about something else but the boring cricket results are only a short distraction because I've had to help checking them earlier this day and it has been such a sizzling close moment; together bent over the tiny fonts of that newspaper; we both without our reading glasses, our heads bumping and our shoulders nudging into each other; physically and suddenly also mentally touching when his eyes bored into my soul and I have dissolved under his pensive look over that newspaper.

This moment's memory now turned my attention fully back on him.

It's really hot in here. I open the top button of my blouse but better stop there. I think I can see his eyes are narrowing. But his monologue still goes on. I remember another moment when his shirt has been soaked with hot tomato soup after the chase of a criminal through a restaurant and its kitchen. He has put it off very quickly and in an instant stood with a bared chest in front of me. Not now. Now he opens each button very slowly. As much as I like shirts popping open and buttons flying through the room I'm glad that he doesn't rip it open now. I can enjoy each one for a few seconds before he opens the next. With a similarly slow movement he pulls his shirt off his pants, then pushes it open and rakes his hand across his chest. His fingers slide through his chest hair and he looks thoughtful.

He looks straight into my eyes.

I do not avert them now.

As if he has to scratch himself there he moves his hand to his shoulder thus pushing the shirt over it. It falls to the ground and keeps lying there. He doesn't mind. I swallow and briefly close my eyes. His arms seem more toned than they once used to be. He has had a period of letting himself go. His tummy was more and his muscles less. I'm glad he has caught himself and obviously is doing regularly workouts nowadays . He hasn't tried it yet but I think he is able to carry me on his arms in front of his chest.

I wish he would carry me away from here right now.

I swallow again when his hands go to his hip. He has stopped talking for a second with his hands akimbo. Is he waiting for an answer? I do not react. Instead I watch his fingers hover in front of his belly for a moment before he opens his belt. _Swoosh!_ it makes when he pulls it through its loops. For a moment I wonder if it would leave deep weals if he ties me up with it but dismiss that thought right away. He never would do that. He never would harm me. Although I can imagine that he ties me up with something softer.

Later!

Now he's opening the button and _oooooh sooooo sloooowly_ the zip goes down. I swallow hard and look at the ceiling but it won't help. I'm very excited now and have to blink my eyes to keep a focussed look. His hands are on his hips again. This time they shove his pants across it until they fall to his ankles and they lie there with his shirt. Since his hands are still in that area he goes on with his underwear. His fingers slide under its waistband and even a bit deeper taking the dark silky cloth down with them inch by inch.

Then he turns.

 _Ah, blimey!_ I sharply inhale and realise that I expectantly have stopped breathing. But he would not give me the pleasure. In the exact moment that he has been to reveal his best parts he has turned his back to me so for now I'm left to enjoy the look of the firm cheeks with their sexy dips I so dearly want to dig my nails into. Nervously I wriggle about in my seat. Meanwhile I'm feeling a bit damp but it is no wonder. He now held one of his arms stretched upwards and the play of his muscles in his back makes me want to get up and touch them.

Slowly rake my nails across his arms.

Leave a wet kiss in the middle of his shoulders.

Press my naked body against his skin.

Let my fingertips tickle his side while my arms encircle his waist.

"Sh!" I hear but I don't react. My hands have not yet reached their target.

"Sh! Barbara!" _Oh, my goodness!_ That's Winston whispering into my left ear. I turn and look into a juicy, knowing grin. With a naughty undertone in his voice DC Nkata said "Stop undressing him!"

I blush deeply. The day has been warm and while I have listened to DI Lynley's presentation of major crime statistics my mind has wandered onto dangerous grounds. My imagination of him slowly undressing for me, something that never ever will happen, has led me into a hot volcano of my deepest fantasies. In fact he's still decently dressed and only has taken off his jacket. But it still _is_ a warm day and I for one am burning.

"I'm not undressing him, you cheeky sod!" I hiss at Winston and give him one of my death-glares. He keeps his grin.

 _He has undressed himself._ I think and blushing even more but with a suddenly smug grin I turn my eyes back to the handsome dark-haired appearance at the white board in front of us.

Winnies wry chuckles though keep me in the real world this time.

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 **A/N:** This may or may not be continued. And it may or may not even turn into something M-ish.


	2. Strip 2

**A/N:** Ah, well, the sequel has come to my brain sooner than I thought. Here it is.

Enjoy another...

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 **Strip**

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We have rebuilt some parts of a brick wall. Now I'm lying in the shadow of a big tree. It has been hard work and it is not yet over. For the previous weeks, well months to be honest, our team from the Met and a few other volunteers had worked on the renovation of an old house with something you could call a garden. It should become a parent and child place and later even turn into a hospice. The financing of this project lives on donations and volunteers. Barbara has spent all of her free hours and even almost her entire annual vacations on organising and working here. I'm very proud of my Sergeant.

I chuckle. She always acts as if she doesn't like it when I say that.

Together with her friend who was grieving with the loss of one of her children she has achieved something wonderful here. In a few days the opening will take place with a big party and I hope Barbara, my feisty and proud Barbara, won't be too mad at me when I reveal that I have increased the fund with a few pounds. She always dislikes it when I'm _waving my wallet around_.

Well, at the moment I'm too exhausted to think about it. I just want to lie here under the tree and enjoy the cool shadow. The building's wall I look at with my lazy eyes is only half painted. The cans and brushes still stand there so I suppose that the two women who were working at it obviously have gone inside but will soon come back.

And there she is. She still looks exhausted but that doesn't keep her from twirling the little boy around while she comes near. They are laughing so joyful that it is infectious.

I chuckle again.

A woman follows them with a spray bottle for flowers and another little boy. They run into the back of the garden. Soon a girl with a Super Soaker Water Gun is hunting them all and Barbara let go of the child in her arms to let him join them.

I sigh deeply because suddenly my heart bursts with love for her.

I've realised a few weeks ago that this unknown feeling I feel for Barbara is real love. Deep, honest, heart-body-and-mind-occupying love. I smile but Barbara turns her back on me.

Hasn't she seen me?

Standing in the sun she puts off her old man's shirt. Oversized and only kept for painting or so it seems. She puts it off painfully slow and with that innocent movement she's got my full attention. In the absence of a proper place for it she simply throws it into my direction. It lands a few inches away from my feet but she doesn't care or still hasn't seen me. It's not yet noon and already awfully hot and I can see that the shirt is quite wet. They probably have started the water chase inside of the house. She turns again and presents her profile. The front of her shirt is completely wet.

Delicious!

She looks so sweet. Her hair is a total mess. She's put it into a pony tail but the work she has done before has made her sweat so now little cheeky curls have found their freedom from out of the clasp. Barbara wears old sneakers and oversized dungarees. But the T-shirt she has put on is the tightest T-shirt I've ever seen on her. Nothing like her usual oversized things. And really deliciously tight now that her front is so soaked with water.

She doesn't see my naughty grin. She wipes her forehead with the back of her hand and watches the playing group. Glistening pearls of sweat run down her nape. I would be able to smell the salt if I'd lick it up to her earlobe but of course I don't do that. Now she deeply sighs and it makes her chest heave.

I'm aware that my eyes narrow.

Barbara is a wonderful sight that speaks to my insides. Her shirt is short. It shows off a small part of her waist where the cloth of her dungarees allows it. Deep in thoughts she scratches it softly. Then she turns a bit more and completely towards me. Leaning against the half painted wall of the house she closes her eyes and stretches her face and throat into the sun. I can see that she swallows. Then she opens the left button of the dungarees' bib. When she also opened the right button the bib falls down completely and reveals that the cloth of her wet shirt sticks to her chest on the whole front.

I swallow.

Barbara is a very beautiful woman although she always would deny it. She's not right. She really is beautiful. She may have flaws and is not exactly what appears in a magazine but so much of her beauty comes from the inside. She's beaming when she talks with children. She's glaring when she fights for the rights of people who can't do it on their own. She's always partly keeping a stunningly soft, well, you could even say lovingly tender expression in her eyes when she's mad at me and we're having an argument. Eventually I've even started loving our fights only to see that expression. Even in our harsh world of crime solving her face can be soft sometimes.

As soft as it is now in the warmth of the sun. Her features look carefree. Not a single trace of age or burden and only the small laughter lines in the corner of her eyes. And to me she has the most wonderful eyes.

She stares at me and I blush.

I have watched her face for a while now after I shamelessly have let my eyes wander across her perfect body from her toes to her lips and cheeks and eyes. The old paint dotted sneakers may not be the latest fashion anymore, if ever. The dungarees may be too oversized. But since she's leaning against the wall in a nice angle it reveals the promising curves of her hips. I've always known she has some sporty figure under all her unfitting clothes. She only rarely shows it. Her belly is flat but still she's everything but skinny.

And at the moment the well proportioned rounds of her chest is silhouetted against the thin shirt. Although she also wears some sort of bra underneath there are small cheeky buds outlined on the peaks of her breasts. I sit upright now and forgetting my good manners I simply ogle her.

Barbara's eyes have fallen shut again and she won't see it and in fact I'm only returning the favour. Quite a while ago she has made me completely nervous while I was trying to give a dry presentation of major crime statistics and she was staring at me from head to toe the entire time. Her thoughts have been miles away but I have been fully aware that she has been there watching me all the time. At the moment Barbara obviously isn't aware of me. But she smiles as if she knew what she is doing. She's doing naughty things to my gut with every movement she makes. Now she scratches her neck and let her hand slowly slide down her front. Something carnal twitches in my pants.

I quickly cross my legs.

Her hand has rested on her belly for a while. Now she lifts the hem of the shirt. She should have put it off earlier so I could enjoy the sight of sweat trailing through her bosom and into her sweet navel. I remember when I first have seen it but dismiss the thought as soon as it had popped into my head. I wonder when I ever will forget how she was lying on the ground with those shotgun wounds. I've had no eyes for her navel in that moment.

The small white lines of the scars that have appeared there later I've first seen when she was doing some exercises she has learned in Cornwall. I definitely have been aware of her naked belly in that moment and have felt the first huge wave of that undefined emotion. I was glad she has survived the shot and I definitely still don't care much that she has the reminding scars on her skin.

Those lines will never get bronzed and at the moment they shine over to my viewing point white and bright. Her fingers are slowly caressing them and the rest of her bared belly before she suddenly opens her eyes, obviously looks at me again and with the shy smile that has appeared a few moments ago she turns her back on me. She probably hasn't seen me answering her smile but now she slowly lifts the shirt and pulls it completely over her head. She let it drop to the ground where she stands.

I quietly clear my throat.

At least I have thought to be quiet. A quick glance across her shoulder tells me she has actually heard me. Barbara seems to be surprised that there's someone else. A deep blush creeps from between her shoulders up her neck and vanishes in her hair. She only wears a cotton cami top and probably wasn't aware that she wasn't alone here. Otherwise she probably never would have put her T-shirt off.

Such a beautiful blush on such a beautiful back.

Her arms are slightly muscular. Just enough for a police woman to get through work but it still is female. Her bare shoulders are so tempting I almost got up and strode across the green to let my lips graze on her skin.

I think she's making a show now. She lifts her arms above her head and her back stretches. The tip of her ponytail dangles between her shoulder blades as she looked up the wall. I dearly want to free her from that last piece of cloth. I want to let my fingers slowly slide from her raised hands down across her armpits to the soft skin of her hip and bury my nose in her hair.

Tickle her naked back with the few hairs of my chest.

Lick her nape and softly bite it.

Encircle her bare waist with the span of my fingers and pretend to lift her against the wall.

Push my excited parts against her bottom.

Softly whisper in her ear that she should turn or I'd make love to her from behind.

I want to make love to her in the full light of the sun against that half painted wall until we both would be in desperate need of an ice-cold refreshment.

"One for you and one for me?"

I don't react. Of course we would share. Afterwards.

"Sir?" _Oh, good gracious!_ That's DC Nkata ripping me from my filthy daydream. I blush. He still holds out two cans of cold beer. Then his polite smile turns into a juicy grin. He has recognised whom I was staring at. His eyes turn to Barbara and her friend. I haven't seen that she has come to join Barbara painting the wall. I only had eyes and thoughts for Barbara. Nodding towards the two women Winston adds another portion of indecency to his grin and repeats his offer. "One for you and one for me."

"Oh, don't be so lewd, Winston." I chide him half-heartedly showing him my best attempt for an Inspector's glare. He gives a short knowing laugh and keeps looking at the other woman.

 _I'm already lewd enough for three._ I think and take a big gulp from the cold beer. With a suddenly smug grin I turn my eyes back to Barbara. I've done her wrong. She wasn't making a show, she was simply painting the wall. Walls are an important thing in my present life. Not all are positive. I dearly hope that one day I'll be able to muster enough courage to turn down those walls between Barbara and me and tell her that I love her. Maybe today will be a good day. I'm going to ask her out for a pint later. I've spent far too less private time with her lately.

Oh, I'm selfish.

I should help her painting that wall, maybe some opportunity will come along but for now I stretch into the grass. I'll help her as soon as I'm recovered.

From my brick working experience. What do _you_ think?!

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	3. Dinner

****A/N:** Okay, ideas came to me and this is going on ;-)**

Enjoy...

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 **Dinner**

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I feel a foot at mine and without thinking I start to answer the light play under the table while I watch the people I'm here with.

My mind wanders back to the day at the old house. It has been a nice day with sun and heat and a lot of work but also with so much fun with Jenna's kids and their friends. And with Tommy. Lynley.

I sigh.

I should stop thinking of him as 'Tommy'. He's my boss. Full stop. But he's a wonderful friend too. I look at the plate in front of me and take a sip from my wine. We have finished dinner - Lynley has invited us for it - and keep sitting for a while with the remainders of our drinks. I watch Jenna. She looks quite calm and happy. Most of the time she and Winnie have tentatively flirted with each other during the day. Something might develop between them. I really would welcome that. Although she's looking at all of us she mostly only looks at him while she tells a funny story about her daughter. I already know it and I think she wouldn't mind that I'm not really listening.

My mind is busy with thinking about another person.

Next to Winston sits our boss. He's nice and polite and nods at the right places, giving a smile eventually where it fits. Sometimes he glances over to me and even has refilled my wine glass, noble gentleman he is. (Funny thing that I drink wine instead of my usual beer, but it has matched my pasta dish and when I've ordered it it has earned me an appreciatively raised eyebrow from him.) One or the other smile is dedicated to me and every time our eyes meet my foolish heart jumps a bit. Although I also feel a slight rosy touch creeping across my face. But that may come from those naughty thoughts that constantly pop into my mind.

That's definitely not healthy. I should stop that too.

After work we have changed into clean things at our construction site and Lynley is now in jeans and T-shirt like the rest of us but he still looks different. More elegant. Although he doesn't care. I always, well, at least after I've found out that he usually tries to be Mr Lynley and not the earl of Asherton, have admired his normal appearance. I don't say that I don't like it when he has to wear his tailor made suits, for work, at court or even at a function I happen to take part in and get the opportunity to see him in full noble gear. But when he's in common people's things he's all the more sexy. A nice bum in tight pants, a T-shirt that spans its sleeves' grip around his biceps, the v-neck that allows to fantasise about kissing his throat, the hem neatly put into the waistband of his jeans so you could see every bul-

Oh, good gracious. I do it again.

I think of his clothes and in the next second my mind turns to what is underneath. Where the hell does this come from? I'm a hopeless case. Oversexed with this handsomeness around me every day and unfortunately completely underfucked.

My face suddenly burns and I rip my eyes away from his throat and to my hand next to my wine glass. Which also was a fault. Now I am totally aware of his hand right there, only an inch apart from mine, lying there on the white tablecloth as innocent as my own hand is, but the warmth of it now radiating hot against my skin. I haven't been aware of it before but now it is like fire. Nervously and trying to do it inconspicuous I move my fingers away from his and closer to my glass. His fingers follow an inch. Of course it was accidentally. Definitely. He would have touched me if I hadn't moved. He wouldn't have done it on purpose. Never. I tell myself I shouldn't even think in that direction.

Useless.

I have to clear my throat, grab my wine glass and while I take a sip I look over its rim at my boss.

His eyes meet mine again for a brief second then flicker at his hand on the table, then at Jenna, then back to my eyes before he raises his chin and looks somewhere else in the restaurant.

Is he blushing? Oh, no, of course not. It's probably just the lights in here.

Realising that I still hold my glass and start to look stupid I take a second sip before I put it down again and try to give Jenna an unaffected smile. She raises an eyebrow. She probably sees right through my smile because earlier this day I've let it slip off my lips that I think my boss is quite a handsome guy. She has agreed but added that he wasn't her choice anyway and she was no rival. Then she has poked fun on me being in love with him.

Which I am.

Oh, hell, yes I am. I am such a fool.

Earlier that day in the house I've grunted at her that she's not funny and it's completely beyond debate. I have ended the discussion but felt watched from then on. Eventually when I laboriously had put up the bib of my ridiculous dungarees Jenna has laughed at me again. Meanwhile the men had started to help us painting the wall and I have felt I should better be properly dressed. Somehow. I remember how she has whispered into my ear that I should keep it down because otherwise my strip for him earlier would have been pointless.

I still blush at the thought of undressing halfway while he has sit in the shadow of the nearby tree.

But I have not been undressing for him. It was just too hot in the sun. I really haven't been aware that he has been watching me. Now my eyes return to his face and I realise he's obviously not listening much either. He's deep in thought and his fingers play with his napkin. His pensive expression doesn't change when he looks up and directly at me. I quickly return my eyes to Jenna and pretend to be listening.

Of course his presence in my peripheral field of vision is too obvious to keep my focus on my friend's tale.

I deeply inhale and it makes her looking at me without halting her story. She has laughed at me earlier and called me a bad liar. She was convinced I only had undressed for him. She has given me a hard day until I have started to tease her with Winston and how nice a couple they would be. Obviously she agrees. Her broad and slightly juicy smile returns to our DC.

Winston says something funny I don't hear and Jenna leans towards him with a laugh. It is a joy watching them. I would not even call it intense flirting. They just have found someone with the same mind and I feel entirely happy for Jenna. She deserves it. And Winnie is a good man. No need to tell him about her kids or her ex or the trauma she suffers from. There won't be another painful moment when he would retreat after learning this about her. He already knows and I think he's fully aware of the burden.

Under the table the foot on mine nudges me softly.

Being caught and with a deep red face I look at Tommy. It is him I have been playing footsie with without being aware. The way he looks at me now makes me nervous again. His eyes are sparkling mischievously and his lips are turned into a slightly mocking smile. It's _my smile_ again. I turn into jelly and give a nervous laugh. Of course I have withdrawn my foot already. But I don't avert my eyes now. When he sees that he's got my full attention he nods his head towards the exit and then shot a glance at the other two.

Yes, we should leave them alone. Almost unnoticeable I nod positive in return and look at my watch.

"Sir, would you mind bringing me home? I've left my car at the house."

Winston's head quickly turns to me and his cheeky grin not only thanks me for leaving them alone but his winking eyes also wish me a nice evening with our boss. I glare at him.

Tomm... Lynley and I get up and say good bye. "Call me tomorrow, Jen. Good night." I wink.

"Thanks for the dinner, Sir." Winston says. "And a good night to you too." His smirk is clearly audible.

I can't help but roll my eyes at him before I turn to leave with Tommy.

Lynley!

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	4. Alone

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 **Alone**

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Her eyes are just beautiful.

Her eyes are so sparkling and big and green and deep. I could drown myself in them. They're like the Cornish Sea on a bright sunny day when the wind isn't going at all. Or maybe just a small breeze, just enough to gently waft through her hair and to put a light taste of sea salt onto your tongue.

Although it's later in the evening now it's still warm and my dirty thoughts of kissing her neck puts the idea of a slight salty taste of sweat onto my tongue. Sweat that at the moment still coats her skin and makes it shine.

Her whole face is beaming now while she talks about the project. _Her_ project. That wonderful old house in that not so very rich part of London where she and her friend have started that parent and child care project. I'm sure it will work and after a while can be turned into that hospice they have thought of.

Barbara is radiating a wonderful confidence that they're going to make it happen. With such pride in her voice she's animatedly telling me what they have achieved until now, ignoring the fact that I have been involved in most of it from the beginning.

I let her talk. She deserves her happiness and so much more. And I love to just listen to her voice, her beautiful quiet but firm voice that should be heard by everyone. I once have told her to join the police choir but she just has dismissed the idea with a snorted remark. But I know how great a singer she is. I've witnessed it when she was the only one at the office congratulating our poor night shifter on boxing day when everybody else already was at home but she has returned to his lonely booth only to bring him a cake and a Happy Birthday serenade. I've been there just to collect some files and I didn't even know that Phil has turned 50 on that very day. Barbara knew.

My dear Barbara.

Earlier, after I've watched her from the shadows and Winston and I have drained a can of beer and then started to help the women painting the wall, our eyes have met a few times. She has always given me a shy smile in return but diverted her eyes. So sweet. I wonder if she knows what is going on in my mind all the time. I wonder if she approves of it. I'm not completely sure but I know I'll find the courage to make another step eventually.

Soon!

The next step that has to be made now that we have such a solid friendship. More than friendship on my side and hopefully on hers too. I have to find out or I'll keep on wondering. I'm glad that Winston has managed to steer the conversation towards dinner. He has wanted all four to go. Jenna quickly said yes but Barbara only has blushed and then mumbled something I haven't heard completely. Actually I even don't remember what I've answered but somehow I've convinced her.

She's blushing now. Am I staring? Or am I playing footsie again?

"That was so embarrassing." she says. I withdraw my feet under my chair just to be sure. The next second I put them in front of me again. Maybe an accidental touch will happen. Something to start another play of our feet.

I'd love that.

I haven't listened to what she has said but I think it was something with her appointment with the bank. I'm quite sure she's not talking about when she has half undressed herself while I watched her. That definitely _was_ embarrassing, but it was in fact embarrassing for me. Ogling her without shame, having naughty thoughts about my Sergeant and getting caught by DC Nkata. Sitting under that tree I've kept my legs crossed for a while.

In the end it has been good that Winston was there to help me starting to help painting the wall. And to help me to my dinner date with Barbara although it wasn't what I was thinking of first. He's a cheeky bloke but Jenna seems to like him. It was easy for him to ask her out but when Jenna has tried to include us I suddenly have felt a bit like a teenage boy pushed into the direction of his crush to ask her out too.

And I think I've blushed. No, I _definitely_ have blushed. Although it didn't matter because I saw a sweet blush creeping across Barbara's shoulders too. She had put up the bib of her dungarees again, obviously to hide the parts with naked skin she had not intended to show around. It has just been such a hot day and we all have been sweating a lot.

I swallow.

I shouldn't think of sweat. When I think of the trickles of sweat on her skin I feel something naughty rising. I know my smile is a bit stupid now but I can't help it. The memory of her wiping her nape with a bandanna right under my nose and especially the indecent thoughts that have run through my head then still make me a bit embarrassed. I hope she doesn't recognise it. I hope she can't read my thoughts on my forehead. I quite feel like she can. Briefly I wonder if I look as absent minded as she has looked earlier after dinner when she obviously wasn't listening to her friend's story. Secretly I've watched her. Well, at least I tried to do it secretly. Our eyes have met one or the other time and my mind hasn't been with Jenna too. I've thought about how I could get out of there with Barbara.

Winston and Jenna have started a tentative flirt and definitely would have preferred to be alone. Of course they haven't said it but everybody could see it. And by the way I've wanted to be alone with Barbara. I've already wanted to be alone with her for dinner but there was no way to manage that. Not after Winston and Jenna had initiated it.

When we've left them there Winston has given us such a naughty grinning good night wish I still wonder if he already has known we wouldn't drive home but have a pint instead. Although he might be a bit cheeky sometimes he's a good detective and I know he's suspecting what exactly I feel for Barbara. I scratch my own sweaty neck. Maybe after this hot day fortune will grace us with a hot night too. A sweaty hot night.

I smile. And blush. And quickly take a huge gulp of beer. As if it would wash down my dirty thoughts.

She's still talking. About what is still to do at that house I think. I still can't concentrate on her words, I just look at her. After a few moments I realise that I have cupped my chin in my hand and absent minded keep turning the glass of beer that stands on the table in front of me.

"You're not listening, Sir." she says. Her voice is a bit uncertain now. She shouldn't be. It is a nice story she's telling me although I already know most of it and haven't listened at all. I give a light chuckle. Her voice is what fills my ears and her face fills my eyes. Her beauty is what fills my brain. The beauty of her small but alluring frame in simple jeans and oversized T-shirt is what surrounds my mind and affects my lowest instincts. Oh, goodness gracious, I should stop thinking of her body, shouldn't I?

"Yes." I answer. I still smile.

Narrowing her eyes Barbara starts to nervously crunch the beer mat. During her tale she has leaned across the table and our heads have come quite close. Now she leans back and cocks her head.

"No, you're not." she murmurs. "I can see that your mind is miles away."

"Not at all." I realise I still cup my chin in my hand so I sit back, straighten my shoulders and take another sip of beer.

My words have made her even more uncertain. It's clearly visible in her questioning eyes. Unsettled she bites her lower lip, making me want to kiss her softly and soothe her irritation. I should ask her first, of course, or at least go slow, test the grounds, wait if she retreats, see if she agrees. Although I wish I could just get up and pull her into an embrace right now. How could it be that I've never felt so intense for her like I feel now? Or have I just ignored it? Have I just tried to suppress my feelings for Barbara? I shouldn't. I should tell her. But how? Just blurt it out? Or write a letter?

I have to grin and watch her eyes nervously flicker through the room. She's broken our eye contact. I've stared again and it has forced her shy look towards the crumbs of her beer mat.

"You're scary!" Her voice is tiny and hoarse now. "Please stop staring at me, Sir."

Now's the time!

"I would if I could, Barbara, but you're too beaut- oh, bloody hell!" My mobile, which laid on the table next to my car keys and the wallet (I've forgotten that those jeans were so tight), has killed my speech with a loud ring. I know what it means.

"Yes! Lynley!" I bark to whoever is calling me at the least opportune moment. I see Barbara's shoulders drop and hear her exhale. Has she held her breath?

A few moments later the wonderful evening is ruined and ends.

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	5. Home

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 **Home**

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As chance would have it my flat is on his way to the crime scene. Inwardly I still curse the sudden death of our evening. But I know it's not his fault - it's in our bloody job description and if you're on call, you're on call, whatever else you had in mind with your evening. And I definitely had something in my mind earlier, something that distinctively has nothing to do with police work. All in all it had been such a nice day and it seemed to turn into a very nice evening with Tommy. We've had a beer and I've had a second one, I've talked and talked and he's just listened. Or probably not. He's stared at me the whole time and when I've asked him to stop it he was about to tell me he couldn't stop because- and then his bloody mobile rang summoning him to a corpse.

And this unfinished 'because' probably is the reason why it's so silent now. We haven't said a word from the moment we've climbed into his car.

On the short way to my home I'm constantly telling myself that he has _not_ been about to tell me that I'm beautiful. I am not. He can't see beauty in me. That's a stupid thought of mine. I'm not playing in the league the women of his lot play in. Definitely not. And there definitely must be a different reason for him staring at me. And probably he's not staring at me at all but only has his mind on something different at the moment. Something more important. But then again, why is he constantly giving me his smile? Argh! I don't know anymore what I should think of all this. He's not trying to flirt with me, is he? Stupid girl, of course not. If so, it would be different. I've seen him flirting with other women a lot. He's not so hesitant. He's not so shy like me.

I watch his profile in the safe half darkness of his car. His jaw muscles are tense. The lock of hair falls into his face like it always does but he doesn't bother to push it back. He's thinking again. It's clearly visible. And I know his face for so many years now, his profile, seen from this seat I'm sitting in day after day while we're at work.

Sometimes I've secretly watched him like now when we've been driving to a crime scene. I wonder if he ever has recognised it.

At the moment both of his hands hold the steering wheel and the knuckles are white. His eyes mostly are on the street but somehow I can't get rid of the silly feeling that he still shoots glances at me whenever I turn my head towards the left side. When he's changing the gear his left hand comes so close to my thigh it almost makes me uncomfortably nervous. I've never had any problems with that, I've never even have been aware of it. Only now I'm _completely_ aware of him right next to me. So close in that old classic car that it would need not much effort to reach him.

I could just raise my hand and touch his fingers on the gear-stick. I could just lift my arm and caress his stubbly chin with my hand. His last shave has been in the morning. It has been very early today when we've met at the house and now it's almost eleven in the night so there's a nice shadow in his face. He looks so sweetly ragged.

So close and still so out of reach. I could lean over just a tad and would be able to place my head on his shoulder but of course I don't do that. Even if I don't dare to do that, sitting here in my passenger seat I could drive for miles with him. The special scent of this old familiar car surrounds me, the personal scent of his aftershave tickles my nose, the soft hint of the day's exhausting work lingers in the air. Leaning my head against the head rest I briefly close my eyes and take a deep breath when the car stops at a red light. Then, through my closed lids, I can see the green lights turning on again.

We still stand there.

Because the car isn't moving I open my eyes. I catch him looking at me instead of driving on. Cautiously I try a smile and point with my eyes towards the green lights. Tommy returns his head to the front but keeps a smile on his own lips while he drives on.

What was that?!

Please can someone tell me what the hell is going on here?! What are we doing?! Normally I'd say there's something... Oh, no no no! I don't dare to continue this thought. This is DI Lynley, the rich, handsome, sophisticated, well-bred, well-educated, all good features you can think of, eloquent 8th Earl of Asherton. There couldn't be _anything_ that's developing here. Not with me involved. I'm only his Sergeant, a good friend, maybe a _very_ good friend but nothing more. He couldn't possibly think of me as more than that.

But why on earth is he looking at me that way throughout the entire time? He makes me nervous with his silence. Ah, my street! At last! Somehow I'm glad that we finally arrived at my flat but I know he will get out of the car and walk me to my door like he used to since there had been a murder in the next alley a few years ago. It has become a habit I've begun to love. Tonight I almost hope he won't.

He does.

It's only eighteen yards or so from the kerb where he has parked to my door where we will say good bye. So I have less than a minute to think of what to say. He walks one step behind me, slightly to my right, but I am not able to see his face. Should I simply say thanks and open the door? Should I open the door first? Should I invite him for a night cap? Ah, his duty spares me that. So I will just get onto the step and- I'm already there. No more time to think. Unexpectedly I find my keys as soon as I look into my bag. I turn. He stands right there, one step lower than me.

I realise that our heads are almost on the same level. He's pensively smiling.

I wish he would stop it. Or wouldn't. What is he expecting now? Is there a hint of uncertainty in his eyes or am I interpreting too much? I imperceptibly shrug and briefly avert my eyes. Gosh, I'm as nervous as a school girl. For what? We will just say good bye like we always say and I'll go in.

Or we just keep on looking at each other for a few seconds more. If it wasn't quite a bit dark already he would see me blushing. Oh, hell, go and say something, Tommy! Lynley! I nervously answer his smile.

"Well, I..." he says. It's getting harder for me to breathe. His eyes flicker to the door behind me but he doesn't continue what he was about to say. Or do. Or whatever. I long to finally end this. I long to give him an innocent good night kiss and vanish behind the door. Who am I kidding? In fact I long to kiss him properly but that wouldn't be appropriate at all. Anyway, something has to be said.

I inhale.

And only exhale when his eyes return to mine. Is he moving closer? How many hours have passed since we arrived here at my door? I inhale again.

"You have to go, Sir." Now, that's a romantic invitation for a kiss. I have a huge lump in my throat and sound husky. I've said it so quiet he may not even have heard me.

He nods and shrugs and cocks his head and inhales to say something. He raises his hand towards my elbow and then his mobile rings. Sometime soon I'm going to destroy this bloody device. The shadow of disappointment runs across his face when he pulls the phone from his jeans pocket.

"What else?! I'm already on my way!" I pity the poor colleague on the other side of the line. Tomm- Argh! Bloody hell, he's Lynley! He listens a few seconds than answers something harsh. I watch him speaking. He has taken one step back and slightly turned from me but I can see his frowning forehead.

"Yes, it'll do... Of course I'll bear DC Maynard... No, no need to call her..." Tommy ... Lynley! gives me an apologetic smile before he goes on. "For tonight I can manage it... Yes... Yes... I'll be there in ten minutes! That is if you won't call me again." After ending the call and pushing his mobile deep into the pocket of his jeans he returns his attention to me. "I'm sorry, Barbara."

"Never mind." I manage to croak. He's taken another step towards me. His fingers softly grab my elbow and without taking his eyes from mine he's slightly bending down to me. There's a reassuring smile in his face and his eyes move from mine to my lips to my cheek and back to my eyes.

He's not going to kiss me, is he?!

Suddenly my heart stops beating and my lung refuses to breathe.

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	6. Crime Scene

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 **Crime Scene**

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I've cursed all the way to the crime scene. I've driven too fast and even have ignored a red light. Arriving here I've almost punched poor DC Maynard who welcomed me at the blue line. How could he have known what he had destroyed? He's just a young and prim Constable, partnered for tonight with who is said to be the most difficult DI at the whole police force of the United Kingdom. And they're right. There's only one single person who has learned to work with me, probably has learned to like working with me, and she's learned to cope with my moods like I've learned to cope with her spikes. I even have learned to love her spikes. Because I know there is a soft, vulnerable woman underneath her layers of sarcasm and grumpiness.

And I've painfully learned that there is a woman under all her layers of unfitting clothes.

A woman I love.

As strange as it may sound but I really do love her and I nourish hope that she loves me too. It hasn't come from the heat. It hasn't come from exhaustion from a long day's hard work. It hasn't come from too much alcohol - I've only had one glass of wine and one pint of shandy throughout the evening and she's had not very much more. No...

Our kiss hasn't come from a simple flirt either.

And it shouldn't have ended. Never ever again I would want to breathe if the alternative would be another kiss from her lips.

I sigh.

We've kissed. We really, undeniably, properly on the lips have kissed.

After I've ended the call with the Chief Super, who has told me I'd be supported by DC Maynard for this weekend (and who has asked if Havers should be called which I denied), I've taken all my heart and gathered as much braveness as I could to take a step closer to Barbara. Our goodbye had to be quick - I was needed at the crime scene - so I've had not much time to think it through. I just took her elbow, bent down a bit, waited for an objection, saw her slightly reaching up to me, saw her nervously licking her lips, gave her a smile and then a soft kiss on her cheek.

Well, at least it had been planned to become a kiss on her cheek. Somehow we mis-manoeuvered our faces so in the end my lips partly met the corner of hers. That wasn't what I've intended. Not this nor any other way.

We haven't moved our faces. I saw her eyes and they've been wide open but not in shocked disgust but more in an astounded delight. We haven't kissed before, not even shared an innocent goodbye kiss. The exuberant smacker on her cheek after she's managed to get us out of a very hairy situation in Hillier's office without harm with just a tiny word of regret never would count as a kiss either.

This was a real one and I knew my face has looked delighted as hers. Only fragments of a seconds our lips have lingered on each other's skin before we parted millimetres and in the same moment we both just slightly have turned our heads so our lips brushed.

I don't know if she has moved accidentally and I still really don't care at all. I even don't know how she has looked in that moment or if her eyes have been closed like mine. The feather light touch of our lips has turned into a full kiss, my own lips have been properly placed on her soft lips. It has been slightly wet. She has answered my soft nudge with light pressure.

The quiet approving sound she has made still rings in my ears.

It may have been only one or two seconds my lips lingered on hers but in my memory it stretches into the lifetime of a galaxy. And stars have appeared in front of my closed lids too. Apart from our lips we haven't moved a single muscle. Then we have parted and I know my feelings have been mirrored in her eyes. We've stared at each other in sheer disbelief. Pure, delighted, joyful, hopeful disbelief. Parts of my brain still don't believe that it actually has happened.

But when it has started to sink in, when happiness and a shy joy has come over her face and I know I have started to grin like a fool, just when I've allowed myself to try and give her another one, a real kiss this time, a kiss that had been intended as such, a kiss to make her feel what I feel for her, a kiss that would tell me if she feels something similar for me, in that exact moment my bloody mobile has buzzed. I've ignored it once and have dared to take another step closer to her. My mobile has buzzed again and I've ignore it twice. I've known that I've had a big question in my face when she's almost invisibly nodded. When I've slowly bent down again my mobile has given such an insistently loud ring that couldn't be ignored anymore.

"Have to go." I've sadly whispered. She's simply nodded again and briefly closed her eyes hiding her disappointment. Oh, I've been disappointed too. And so angry at my phone or whoever has dared to call me now. Abruptly I've turned and walked away. "What?!" I could've killed the caller. "Yes, Maynard! I already know that!" I've grunted. "See you there!" When I've turned my head back to Barbara she's still been standing there leaning against her door, her eyes following me. I've sent her a smile. "Go in." I've softly said. She's nodded once more and with her head hung down she's opened her door and disappeared from my sight.

I'm such a bloody fool. There would have been a few more seconds time for us before answering the call. I should have kissed her again. Maybe not for very long but at least once more.

With anger churning my stomach I've kicked the tyre of my car before I've got in and drove on to the crime scene. All the way here I berated myself that I shouldn't have hesitated so long. I should have kissed her again. Not on the cheek. Not so short. Properly. With an embrace and long and deep and, if she would have allowed it, with distinctively more passion than that short meeting of our lips. I should have... Ah, bloody!

I should have kissed her a long time ago already. If only I had known before...

I still revel in the memory of her lips on mine. I can't remember that I've ever had such a joyful feeling. And Barbara has looked quite contented too. My lips turn into a smile.

"Blessed are those who keep their joy, when all of us may shiver by the sight of terror."

Oh, no. Her face hasn't been terrified at all. Quite the opposite. She's looked like I still feel. That is until we've been disturbed by Maynard. That young Constable who's fled and vomited behind a bush after just one look at this scene here.

"Sir, will you let us take part in your enjoyable thoughts or will you finally listen to me?"

"What?" Oh, heavens. I must have looked so very stupid. I still feel the muscles in my face only slowly returning into an appropriate mask. Lafferty kneels next to a half-rotten corpse and is trying to tell me what he already has found. "Sorry. Go on." I mumble.

He still scrutinises me. "You're thinking of her."

It was no question, it was a statement. And I know from one look in his face that he's talking about Barbara. Is it so obvious to everybody? My irritation makes him grin. I've never thought that Winston would see what I feel for her. And I'd never have suspected Lafferty to see behind my mask too. Yes, he's right. Absolutely right. Even at such a disgusting crime scene like this I'm still thinking of her. Constantly. And with growing delight. How could I forget the feeling of her lips on mine?

Absent-minded I break a small twig of a bush and smile. I even give a small chuckle with the memory of her body almost starting to press into mine. Quietly I sigh. "We've just ki- " Lafferty raised his eyebrows. Oh, good grief, no! I've almost told him. Get a grip, you fool! I've already told him too much anyway so I start to grumble. "...ah, get lost, Stuart!"

"Spot-on." he laughs and all but returns his attention to his corpse.

The memory of the short kiss with Barbara has robbed me my professionalism. As long as we're not working out what happens between us, I suppose I'm of no great help with the case. I should try to do my best. It is going to be hard work as long as I'm busy with the case and Barbara will have the rest of the weekend off. I have to find a few more moments with her.

And without a bloody mobile.

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	7. Good Morning

A/N: I'd like to give a mild warning for this chapter. Nothing serious.

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 **Good Morning**

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* * *

I think the doorbell rings. But I don't care. I'm lying on my sofa, munching a buttered toast, sipping at my coffee, staring at the TV screen without actually seeing what goes on there. I have very nice thoughts running around in my head. My mind is fixed on Tommy.

Like it has been through the entire night. Like it has been since he gave me that kiss. Actually like it almost constantly had been since Winston hadn't stopped poking fun at me after I had thought of Tommy undressing for me when he only was giving a presentation of boring crime statistics. Although now, today, it is slightly different. This almost kiss in the corner of my lips has been a sensation on its own. We never have exchanged one before although it sometimes had looked like he was about to give me one when he had brought me to my door. I always had hoped but usually I had ended up behind my door kicking myself that I was a stupid girl and it never would happen at all. This time it has happened in reality. This time I've ended up behind my door with a huge swarm of butterflies in my belly and jelly in my knees. I've ended up leaning against the door grinning like a fool and crying, half out of joy, half out of disappointment, slowly sliding down after a few moments. After I've stopped hoping for the ring of my doorbell announcing he'd be coming back for more.

He wasn't but I still grin like a fool when I think back to the previous evening. Think back to that kiss.

He has brought me to my door like he used to do. We've said goodbye like always. Then the world has started to turn in slow motion. I became nervous and then Tommy bent down to me. After his first attempt of a friendly kiss on the cheek there has been a sizzling tension in the air between us and I've felt his breath still on my face and our lips have brushed when we simultaneously turned our heads. Then he has bent forward just a bit, just that bit that was needed and our lips have met. Only briefly though but it has been a kiss on my lips. The world almost stopped. I know it was only a couple of seconds but those were the most wonderful seconds in all my life. His lips have gently moved and I've felt a certain wetness that told me it wasn't just a friendly smacker in the spur of the moment. It was the logical consequence of the evening. Gentle, soft, warm, and so very promising. Everything in my belly started to twist in expectation for more so I answered with soft pressure, slightly straightening my back so my lips would linger on his for a bit longer when he would retreat them. I've wanted it to last as long as possible. I've even been about to grab him and when we've parted my hands still hovered above his waist. Still without touching.

I know, if this bloody mobile wouldn't have called him insistently back to the crime scene he would have given me another kiss. A proper kiss. And I definitely wouldn't have objected.

I was so numbed when he has left me. If it wasn't for his gentle request to go inside I probably still would be standing there, leaning against my door, or rather sitting on my doorstep, the burning sensation of his lips' brief but so intense contact on mine.

I've gone inside. I've leant against the door like so many times before. Only this time it had happened. My mind was in a haze when I eventually prepared for the night. I've watched my reflection in the mirror above the sink for a long time, wondering where this will lead, thinking about how I could get out of this without too much harm, because I have no hope that this will turn into something that lasts for long. Although yesterday, before going to bed, I've been still hoping he would return. But he wasn't. Of course not. He was at work, it was late and when I finally was lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing I'd be there with him, I almost got up again. It was a stupid idea but I would have preferred to pull an all-nighter with Tommy at work. More than lying in my bed alone turning around in my mind all the ifs and whys and why nots and buts and lame objections and certain impossibilities.

I haven't slept at all or so it seemed this morning. I've woken up with the image of my boss kissing me still in my head. I have dreamt of him. His eyes, his lips, his smile, his lock of hair that has fallen into his face when he has bent down to me. This morning I've opened my eyes, watched the white ceiling and thought of Tommy. How I have become so used to his whole behaviour. I don't cringe when he's talking with his lot in this empty way of small talking. I don't wonder when he - unlike so many other colleagues - opens a door for me. I don't think about the costs of his aftershave, I just inhale and enjoy. I don't care that his suits are tailor made but I care very much how well they fit. In the mornings I don't dread the day at the office. Instead I look forward to seeing him. In the evenings when he's away, at home in Cornwall or on a horse fair or any other police conference out of London I often receive at least one text message from Tommy and I start to worry if not. I don't feel patronised anymore but instead have started to like his hand in the small of my back or his supportive arm somewhere in the bushes around a crime scene. I have started to like almost everything he does.

The doorbell rings.

I have tried to get back to sleep and return to my wonderful dream that has gone further than reality. We've kissed again and stumbled inside and no bloody mobile has disturbed the kiss this time. We've undressed each other and ended naked on my sofa, highly aroused, ready to make love. In that moment his mobile has buzzed again and lying in my bed now wide awake I've recognised it has been the doorbell. It has rung a second time so I got up and ran to the door only to see my stupid neighbour complaining again about a constant noise which wasn't coming from my flat of course. I've told him if he wanted something to be done he should call the police and no, I wasn't in charge this sunday.

I've almost slammed the door into his face.

I'm still not in charge. I'm sipping at my coffee and try to get rid of Tommy's face in my mind. There were things to be done at the old house and I have to get up from the sofa and get to our construction site. If it wasn't so hard. I just want to revel in my memories. My morning has been in the same wonderful haze my evening had ended. After sending Mr Jamal away I've moved through the bathroom, showered, had a hard time keeping my thoughts on the decent path and failed completely. Soaping me I could only think of his hands on me. Think of my hands on his skin, on his muscular arms, his broad chest, ploughing through his hairs. I've often, too often, seen him half naked and I still have no problem imagining the rest of him. Those parts I've not yet seen but which were undeniably there. Under the blue cloth of his tight jeans, for example. The rest I needed then has been added by my needy fantasy and the feel of the cool tiles in my back. I've thought back to my dream, where it unfortunately had ended and how it possibly could have gone further. With a slightly satisfied need, but more needs awaken I've dressed afterwards and made a toast and a coffee. The Sunday Morning Show is as boring as it always is but I don't really watch anyway. My embarrassment still rises when I think of the next meeting with Tommy, having in mind what I have done under the shower.

Tommy.

I realise that I am able to constantly call him Tommy in my mind without chiding me for it. I think I'll try to say it later. When we really meet next time. I'll call him Tommy and tell him what I feel for him...

Suddenly it strikes me. I love him. I really love him.

Suddenly I whisper to the TV "Oh, gosh, I love him." Then I shake my head.

Haha. As if I'd dare to tell him that. I probably only stammer incoherent words. And then he'll be kissing my worries away...

Yes, exactly. In the middle of the office he'll be pulling me into an embrace and show the world he loves me. Good gracious, I'm such a stupid little girl. Get real! Nothing like this will ever happen. Or will it?

The doorbell rings twice. I have the vague idea that it wasn't for the first time. It couldn't be the neighbour again, could it? I think my words have been clear enough. Maybe it's Tommy waiting there? I don't dare to open the door. But if so, both, then we could talk about what has happened yesterday evening. We could finally resolve the issue.

I snort a laugh.

'The issue.' As if it is an affair that needs some talking. Actually I just want to snog him against the doorframe at the moment. Have my way with him until he forgets his name and only whispers mine. And then we will see what happens next. Probably nothing. We just go on as-

Oh, that's an intense ring! I finally feel able to lift myself from the sofa and go open the door.

I haven't expected _this_.

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	8. Doorbell

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 **Doorbell**

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* * *

I stand in front of her door and wait.

When I've driven here I've been full of enthusiasm and joy. Walking down the short path to her door I've slowed down and before I've rung her bell I actually have hesitated and inhaled deeply. I wasn't so sure of myself anymore. It has been an entire night between our short kiss and now. She may have changed her mind. She has appeared to be ready but maybe I am wrong? The entire day and evening it has appeared to be centering towards this. I've wanted it so much maybe I've been blind? Maybe I've only imagined our entire flirt.

I think I should have brought flowers.

Or would that look odd? Probably yes. Barbara is not the flower kind of woman. Or is she? Actually there usually is no one bringing her flowers but that doesn't mean she wouldn't love to get some.

I've already rung her bell but she has not yet opened and I have to admit to myself that it doesn't erase my insecurity. Au contraire. I chuckle slightly - Barbara would have rolled her eyes at that phrase. And I would have just winked my eyes at her because she doesn't get annoyed by my language nowadays. It has even become some sort of teasing between us.

I sigh. Oh, I've never felt anything like this before. Our parting the previous evening has been too abrupt. I still believe I should have given her another, a real kiss, but since I haven't we also haven't settled its seriousness. On my side it seriously _is_ serious. And we have to talk about it. That is, I have to tell her that I love her and that I mean it from my heart. A part of me still fears that she might have worked out multiple objections throughout the night - and billions of buts, ifs and other excuses.

I ring the bell again.

I think I just have to kiss her properly. Yes - a long soothing, reassuring, gentle, tender and unending kiss will convince her that I love her and if she feels the same she will forget all her lame objections with that kiss. Flowers would be odd. Flowers would look like some excuse, like I haven't meant it yesterday, like she was just one of a few women (which I've had, sadly so, blind for the obvious, ignoring what was right under my nose). I don't have to make an excuse. I think. Or do I? Did I cross that fine line between us, and she wasn't ready? Or maybe she hadn't wanted to cross that line at all. Maybe she doesn't feel like I feel and it was all just a friendly kiss in the spur of the moment? Although if I've read her face, if I've read her looks and her behaviour correctly she _does_ feel more for me. It's more than just friendship. Ah, well, I'll find out. When she will open the door I just say hi, take a step forward, give her a kiss, then tell her I love her, then give her another kiss, the one I should have given her yesterday evening already, and then I tell her-

Oh, really - what should I tell her? Hi, Barbara, I love you. Now, that would be a big intro. Maybe a bit straightforward but in fact it's the truth. And then? What else? There actually is so much I want to tell her at once and I even have only one, maybe one and a half hours to spend with her. I wish I will muster enough courage to just kiss her and then push her into her flat, go on kissing her. I'll fumble with her clothes like a teenager, get us both undressed and make love to her against the doorframe! Maybe she's still in one of her oversized crazy patterned pyjamas. I could gently push the collar of its top over her shoulder and feel her soft skin on my lips. Push it further down and move my lips, slowly following its hem. Gently kiss her breast. Softly suck at its-

Get yourself together, Lynley! I feel that I blush. I quickly look around if anyone sees me, almost drooling. I chuckle and shake my thoughts off my head. I still blush but fortunately I'm alone. I grin to myself and postpone it all. Later will be time for all that. Later. But actually I do want to make love with her _now_ , as soon as possible. Grace her with gentle touches and kisses until she dissolves and forgets where she is. I want to make her forget her name and cry out mine repeatedly. I... Oh, my... My mind is a naughty little lout but actually I want to ask her to marry me soon and raise a family, quit the job and live happily ever after in my manor in Cornwall.

I shake my head again as if I would be able to get rid of these thoughts. It doesn't really work because since I've realised that I love Barbara those thoughts pop up in my head constantly. I've even worked them out in a way. Even before we've kissed yesterday evening. That's a bit too fast forward. I have to take one step after the other. And first of all she has to open the door.

And she has not even shown any sign that she's there. Maybe she stands behind the curtain watching me and hoping I go away soon so she could go on with her life. Maybe she doesn't open her door because she doesn't really feel the same for me. Maybe my feelings aren't mutual?

Well, it hasn't looked and felt un-mutual yesterday.

So why doesn't she open her door? I ring the bell twice and stop breathing. I listen if there's any sound inside but there isn't. I really should have called her first. Innocently test the ground, above all check if she's at home. Well, I still could do it now. There must be something this bloody mobile would be useful for.

She's on speed dial one.

Of course. And it goes straight to voicemail. Oh, bugger! She's turned it off. Has she turned it off so she would not have to speak to me? When we've been at her construction site she never had turned it off. She's always had an ear for everybody and now that they're in the crunch mode there could only be one reason she's turned it off - me. Maybe Barbara avoids me.

No, not that. I can't believe she would do that. I hope she understands how deeply I care for her. I want her to be happy. I want to kiss her worries away. Not only do I want to satisfy her needs (and mine), first and foremost I really want to make her happy. I want her to be as happy as she could be. Give her the world, give her me, give her the love she deserves, give her whatever she wants and needs. If only she would let me.

If only she would finally open that damned door!

I kick against her doorframe and bumped my forehead on it. I'm so stupid. I should have called her earlier. Maybe even tonight already. I, as the leading DI, should have called her in. Barbara should have been my partner, not Maynard. Barbara and I, we probably would solve this case in half the time. We would have the opportunity to spend at least the days with each other and maybe I would get the opportunity to give her a proper goodnight kiss this evening. And then, when we've closed the files on Monday or Tuesday, we would have enough time to spend together in private and solve this other case.

I lean against the wall and hear her doorbell from inside her flat. I don't care. She's not at home and if so she maybe will finally open the door, annoyed by that constant noise.

My mobile rings. I don't look at the caller ID because everything in me wants it to be her.

"Yes?" I can't hide the expectation in my voice but it isn't her. "Oh... Maynard... yes, what's up?"

I let my head fall back against the wall and close my eyes. I am very, very disappointed. I am so, so stupid. I am extremely angry. I could shout at DC Maynard. Or throw my bloody mobile into the Thames.

From here.

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	9. Peppa Pig

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 **Peppa Pig** *

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I chuckle.

I've chuckled a few times this day. When I've opened my door this morning and hoped for Tommy standing there I was quite shocked when I've seen Jenna and Winston snogging shamelessly against the wall and ringing my bell constantly. I've watched them for a few seconds before I quietly harrumphed. I've had to harrumph a second time before they dashed apart, blushing like caught teenagers, both with a red face.

I've laughed and shaking my head I've gone inside, leaving the door open. In fact it should have been on my side to make fun of their kiss against my doorbell but instead it was Jenna, nosy like she is, who's looked around in my flat and then asked me where he was. She's told me that she'd thought I weren't alone and then she continued poking fun on me that I would be wandering on cloud nine or that I was so deep in thoughts with my handsome boss on my mind. Only Winston showed a bit of sympathy that I very obviously have spent my night alone.

When I've collected my things we've driven here. My car still stands at the kerb and although I've hoped to see Tommy it has been okay that it wasn't him. I would have enough time to think about any excuse why it would be a bad idea to continue what we've started. More so, I would have time to find reasons why it is a good idea. I would have time to think about objections to my objections.

But have we really started something? Ah, well, yes, I do think so. There was so much tenderness in his eyes when he's finally had left me and gone to work yesterday night. It doesn't feel like it has been only the tenderness you give a good friend or your sister or anything like that. I sigh. I just want him to call me. He hasn't even texted me the entire day.

It's probably a tough thing he's at.

I curse our police work for the trillionth time. Tommy could be here with me painting that shed door. It had been such a wonderful time being at this project. So full of enjoyable work and he's been around here with me almost constantly. And now that the thing between us finally has turned into _something_ , into something I've always longed for, we are disturbed by that bloody corpse. I am so, so angry.

Not good! I have to chuckle again and then wipe the splash of colour from the wood of the door. This wasn't supposed to be a modern art piece, this was supposed to become a Peppa Pig* scene with blue sky, sun and happy piglets. Jenna had helped sketching it but now she is inside tending to some flatpack furniture and Winston. Or the other way round. Oh, she deserves to be happy. And it looks as if Danny and Janet like him too. He has played with them even though one can tell from the looks he and Jenna exchange they'd prefer to sneak away and leave the kids to me.

Don't they dare!

Actually I would agree any time but the opening of this house will be in a few days and there's still so much to do. I wish Tommy would be helping. Working here with him was such a fun and having him around has made many things so easy. I know he even would find words to soothe my worries that we might not make it until next Friday. Not to mention the soothing he offers by his sheer presence. I wonder if he would be as kissy and cuddly as Winston is with Jenna. Ah, well, he's surely not the cuddling type. He's too, hm... male for it. Male? Not that Winston isn't male, he could be quite the macho sometimes, but Tommy somehow is more one of the strong ones. I start to hum a melody. Tall, strong, dark and lean... somehow rough, yes, and a tough policeman anyway.

I giggle and shake my head. I'm silly. No, he's not the perfect guy. He's quite tall and probably strong and it's true that he's somehow dark with all his brooding but he's not really lean. Owed to his age of 41 he has his pads here and there. As if to underline my thoughts I paint Papa Pig with a slightly bigger belly than he's been sketched by Jenna and grin. Tommy isn't rough either. Usually he's caring and nice and only towards criminals he shows his tough side. Never to me. Well, at least after we've arranged with each other. In the beginning of our working partnership he was a bit grumpy and bossy but not anymore.

I wonder if I could give one of the figures on the other side of the shed his features. There are a few Peppa Pig* style dogs wearing police uniforms and watching over a bunch of other animal kids. Haha - that would be great... but no, I'm no artist and Tommy isn't a police dog. Trying to ignore my naughty thoughts I blush and take a sip from my water. It's not as hot as it has been yesterday but it's quite warm again and I'm glad that the shed door faces north so I'm mostly standing in the shadow. Unlike yesterday when we've painted the sunny wall of the house.

I stretch my back and look through the open gate. Note to myself: call and ask when, for bloody hell's sake, the contractor will finally have it finished. When there will be more and maybe smaller kids running around here we need a proper gate so they won't run onto the street. There are too many cars. Well, probably not cars like that, this ruby red shiny thing is obviously too expensive. Apart from the lorries from next door's movers - dangerous on their own - there probably will be only small and dated cars like mine. Not dated as in classic car, but dated as in can't-afford-a-new-one car.

This annoying curl still keeps falling into my face and I leave a smear of colour in my hair when I rearrange the pin that holds it back. Tommy once has said he likes me wearing long hair because it curls so nice when it's humid. He just has said it by the way and a very long time ago but I remember it as if it was yesterday. He's said it would give my grumpy morning face some cute sweetness that distracts from my usually sarcastic remarks. And he has given me such an openly fond smile I probably never ever will forget at all. I probably never will forget all those wonderful sights of him anyway. Like yesterday which had given me multiple new memories to keep.

Nowadays his dark hair is not as short as it once was but fortunately not as long as it once had grown. I think he will cut them soon. At the moment it's always a bit unruly and ruffled due to its length and a bit of wind, but it shines in the sun and there is still no grey streak in it. I wonder when he will get some. I already have a few and I'm four years younger.

Almost perfect...

Like the weather. I sigh again. When he stops there at the gate looking over to me he has to narrow his brown eyes against the sun and maybe slightly cock his head. Yes, he cocks his head. He hesitates there for a few moments before he'll come in. There is a question in his face I can't decipher yet. Seeing him in his suit tells me that he's not here for helping but comes directly from work and probably will get back there soon. I love his suits. They fit so well and never are out of date. I think he has thousands of different suits, one for each occasion. Maybe even one for painting walls although he always had jeans on when he was here. But if it comes to suits I prefer his working suits and, weirdly so, I actually like his black funeral suit. If he combines it with brightly coloured tie and pocket square it's just classy. But dark grey is okay too. Involuntarily I lick my lips. He looks so good. In fact he looks adorably sexy. Tommy wears a three-piece suit today and I almost expect a chain watch.

I grin. He grins in return and quietly says "Hiya!" He still stands there leaning against the pillar that will - hopefully soon - hold the gate and watching me as long as I'm not inviting him in. After that goodbye kiss yesterday there is a huge question between us that has to be erased. Or at least solved somehow. Answered. His grin has turned into a mischievously gentle smile while we've kept looking at each other.

Then suddenly I realise that this is reality. He _is_ standing there. It is _his_ car parking at the kerb. It _is_ Tommy who continues to watch me. Good gracious, how long have we stared at each other?

"Hi!" I say and although I blush deeply my lips continue to grin.

I really can't help it but I'm completely happy to see him.

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 **A/N:** *it's a sweet comic story of a family of pigs: Peppa Pig (c) Astley Baker Davies Ltd / E1 Ltd


	10. Little Indians

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 **Little Indians**

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After she hasn't answered her door bell and her phone obviously is turned off (still... I've tried to call her about four or five times more without any answer) I had decided on driving here. I have still almost one hour of spare time and I need to see her. I've parked my car at the kerb in front of the now light blue house and kept sitting there for a little while. I've spotted her standing at the shed painting sweet funny pink pigs on it. She's in her dungarees again but the bib already is down. A part of me feels sorry that she doesn't need to strip for me again. She wears a proper T-shirt this time but it's quite warm again today. For a while I just watch her and remember the sweat running down her nape yesterday. I see how the muscles of her naked arm move while she lifts the brush. How she steps back for a better examination of her work. How she adds a bit here and a bit there and obviously chuckles. Her hair is in the messy ponytail I have come to love. Curls still escape her pins and now trying to put one of them back there she even spreads a bit of pink colour in it. I chuckle. She looks so carefree and I love it. I love her.

I have to tell her.

The sooner the better. The reason why I've come here returns into my mind. I have to give her the kiss we almost shared yesterday, I have to tell her I love her, I have to tell her that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I hope she feels the same. In fact I'm quite sure she feels the same for me. I'm presumingly, priggishly sure that she loves me too. Her eyes have told me yesterday. All her defensive walls had been down and she was offering the truth. She has been offering her sensitive, vulnerable soul to me. I cherish that very much, given my history with women. The history Barbara knows almost everything of. But with Barbara it's different.

I swear to myself that I'll never disappoint her.

I get out of the car and go a few steps before I see her sipping some water. Her head is in her back and she displays her throat to me now that she's turned towards the street. I swallow like she does but I have distinctively different reasons. Stopping at the jamb of the still missing gate I lean against it and prolong the moment of watching her. Barbara opens her eyes and turns completely towards me. It's obvious that her thoughts are miles away. A small smile plays in the corner of her lips and I'd say she chuckles again. Has she seen me? Why is she just looking? For a brief second the thought of flowers flash through my mind again but it is dismissed as soon as it flew by. Why isn't she saying something?

I become nervous.

But I stay where I am and let her eyes wander across my body. She cocks her head and narrows her eyes a bit while she eyes me up and down. A penny for your thoughts, my dear Barbara. Are you satisfied with what you see? When she finally licks her lips like she had yesterday my mind already jumps forward, pulls her into an embrace and kisses her. But my body stays where it is. Another part of my brain still isn't so sure about how she'd react. As I can tell by her expression that has turned into a question I must have looked odd, or at least quizzical. Weird. In love. Deeply, madly, head over heels and seriously so.

I pour my heart out to her but I don't say any words.

She grins. I grin in return and hope her grin would be her answer for that unsaid question. And then I'm finally brave enough (and finally trust my voice) and speak.

"Hiya!"

I still stay where I am and revel in the looks she gives me. I am so overpowered by my love for her that my stupid grin turns into a wide but tender smile. I'm so serious and I long to prove it. Her eyes still are locked with mine. After a while she blushes and her eyes went wide as if she has realised something she hasn't expected. To me it appeared as if she hasn't been aware that she's staring at me, as if she hasn't been aware that it is me in reality, standing here, waiting for an invitation I actually don't really need.

"Hi!" she says. Her grin hasn't vanished and this gives me the sign that I'm welcome.

"You've turned your mobile off." Ah, shit. That sounds too reproachful. But fortunately her face only turns more quizzical and she gets her mobile out of the huge pocket of her dungarees.

"No." she says frowning. "I've turned the mode into... ah, shit! Flight mode..."

The expression on her face turns sad. At least four missed calls and two text messages, I think and hope she would read them later. I'm not here to communicate via phone. Not at all, so I finally come into gear and move forward.

"Sorry." she murmurs putting her phone back. Her shoulders slump and I take another two long strides. Who cares for missed phone calls? I'm here now and I want to take her in my arms. I want to kiss her. I _have_ to kiss her now. Bloody hell, I've waited long enough!

Then I quickly jump backwards and out of the way of a little roaring whirlwind. A tiny boy runs between us. Daniel's got a colourful headband with a feather on and howls like an Indian on his warpath. Janet, wearing an even bigger headdress, follows, catches him and beats him with a squeaking tomahawk. Lifting my head I look into Barbara's mildly shocked but not overly frustrated face. A grin appears. Then a fight starts. Danny accuses his sister to be playing foul _because_. And she shouts back at him that he shouldn't have stopped here. I look at Barbara who's suppressing a laugh at my helpless expression but before I am able to kneel down to the siblings to try and get them apart and talk it over rationally (what a stupid idea) a voice from inside was heard.

"Kids! Come here!" Jenna shouts. "I've got cookies and juice and you'll leave them both alone!"

Has she watched us? I blush while the happy kids disappear inside.

Barbara turns away from me. "Come, Tommy, you've got to see what we've painted at the other wall of the shed."

The sizzle of the previous moment is gone but I'm not giving up hope.

"Barbara, wait!" Grabbing her elbow I stop her. "Wait! I'm not here to see a shed's wall."

She turns and I can sense a certain fear. Her eyes dart to the house and to the floor, then to my lips and my eyes, then to the house again and back to my eyes. All my own worries are washed away in an instant when I manage to fix her eyes on mine and I believe hers are too. It's clear that she won't object if I kiss her now. I'm pretty sure. But it's also obvious that she still feels watched and that she also doesn't know what to do next. I have to reassure her. And I really don't mind if anybody witnesses us.

She's called me by my name as if she never have called me anything else. I get another little bit closer. Finally her face turns softer and expectant and I see her licking her lips again. She breathes with open mouth and I stop it completely. I just want to feel her. In my arms, on my lips, through my lungs. I want her fingers in my hair and her feet going onto tiptoes. Right now I know for sure that my voice would be hoarse if I speak. But I don't need much volume. Barbara is close enough I could just whisper.

"I'm here to see _you_ , Barbara!"

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	11. Finally

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 **Finally**

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Finally he's arrived here. Barbara has been so absentminded the entire day I think her thoughts have been constantly on her boss and then he was standing in the gateway obviously not daring to approach her while she was painting the shed door. Oh, blimey - and what an appearance he is in his grey suit. With waistcoat. Yummy! I wonder how Wins... I am not allowed to call him so! Winston! I lightly chuckle and blush a bit with the memory of his attempt to forbid it. But I don't think Winston has a three-piece suit like his noble boss wears. And I really do wonder if Barbara will stop wearing dungarees once she's Lady A. I grin. Yes, I suppose she won't stop wearing them. I think she'll be running around in the garden of their estate and chase her son. Expecting a second child. I know she would hit me with the first thing that catches her eyes if I'd tell her what I think! Before I laugh out loud I have to bite my knuckles and step back from the window.

In fact I don't expect them to see me so I get back to the window sill. They've been too engrossed in looking at each other. The rest of the world has been far, far away from these love birds and still is but it doesn't count anyway. It almost has looked as if they were having a communication without words. She has looked dreamy and he has looked self-consciously insecure. I've wanted to shout at them that they should go ahead.

Something over there looks a bit odd. I don't think they've had such a wonderful night like I've had with Winston. I don't even think they have kissed yesterday evening. It hasn't really looked as if they've solved the tension between them. How he has looked at her, so longing. How Barbara has looked at him, not less yearning. I've wanted to bang their heads together. I've wanted them to just take those few steps, I've wanted them to just cross the few yards distance between them and finally do what they are longing to do. It's written in their faces. It's obvious in their body language that they've only wanted to be in each other's arms. That they've wanted to kiss the other. That they've wanted each other. It was almost hurting to see them hesitate.

When Tommy finally has taken those steps I've stopped breathing. And then my innocent little boy has run between them, followed by my dear daughter. I've called them inside and - oh, wonder - they've followed promptly.

"Where are the cookies?" Danny comes dashing into the room where I stand watching Barb with Tommy.

"Sh! In the kitchen. Go, go!" I really don't need them here. Their noise might disturb the wonderful spell outside.

It almost have come that way. Barbara has turned away from Tommy telling him he has to see the shed wall. Are you stupid, woman? I cringe. She can't go on without a kiss! Or is she trying to hide there? I grin. Oh, yes, my mind is full of naughty things.

What? Did she just call him by his first name? I believe she's never done it before and according to his face, lighting up in joy, turning soft and loving, smiling brightly, he really has heard it from her lips for the first time ever.

I start to grin even more when Tommy grabs her elbow and holds her back. He's not here to see a shed, he says. Oh no, definitely not! Barbara turns to him and I can see some sort of fear in her face. Her eyes dart around and even meet mine so I quickly take a step deeper into the room again. I stop breathing as if it would make me invisible. It worked, she has not seen me. When Tommy takes another step closer her eyes stay on his face and now she even licks her lips. Barb, you clever fox, you really know how to tease him.

"I'm here to see you, Barbara!" Tommy croaked and I almost chuckle again. Yeah, she's got him. His voice is the proof. Now we're finally getting somewhere. I feel safe to step forward again. In fact I can barely keep myself from leaning out of the window. I just want to hear what they say and actually I want to see exactly what goes on between them.

"There's still an unfinished thing between us, Barbara!" This is so clumsily romantic. "I'm here to change that!"

Oh, yes! I think. Go ahead! There we are. For heaven's sake, please! No mobile now, nor kids or anything else!

Tommy takes hold on her other upper arm and they move another inch closer. While he bends down she obviously couldn't decide what exactly she should do. She raises her face towards him but when her feet lift her onto tiptoes she retreats her head again. He's smiling such a soft and tender smile that even from the distance I can feel my own knees turn weak. I can see his lips whispering her name again and his eyes closing. I know they can feel each other's breath in their faces now that they hesitate and move closer at the same time. Their lips almost brush and Barbara lifts her hands to his waist. They're shaking while she takes hold onto his hip. She's finally closed her eyes too and licks her lips again. It was just in the same moment when Tommy's come a bit closer again so I think she's licked his lips as well as her own. She moves her head back again but now Tommy finally follows her and the knuckles of his fingers on her shoulder turn white. He opens his eyes and so does she.

They don't say a word. They silently communicate. Her lips open and his face becomes determined. When an almost invisible pull at his waist indicates she wants them to go on they simultaneously close their eyes again. And finally... I sigh. Finally their lips fully meet. Soft at first, hesitating still, almost parting immediately after the first contact as if they were shocked that it actually is happening. Barbara moves her head back as if she's making him following her. And so he does, placing his hand- no, only his fingertips so, so gently on her neck as if he wants to make her stop moving back, and it works, and then they continue with a proper kiss.

Their lips linger. Their lips only slowly start to move, only slowly begin to nudge the other. Both aren't rushing at all. They have all the time of the world. Probably out of need for oxygen they part just a millimetre and I see how Barbara's cheeks have turned slightly rosy. Their eyes stayed close while they exchange a few small budgie kisses and I begin to wonder when they will start to _really_ kiss, begin to wonder when their desire will take over.

Her arms snake around his waist and up to his shoulders while his hands land in the small of her back. The small kisses start to last longer and while I lean against the window frame in full daylight I can see his lips finally coaxing hers apart. Barbara's fists crumple the jacket in his back and I can tell now that their tongues are fighting for dominance or at least try to hook around the other. Things are getting slightly wilder now. His hands have moved to her buttocks and Barbara is pressing herself against him. Is she really grinding her hips against his? Now it's my turn to blush. Barb, you naughty girl, you!

"Finally!" Winston's lips are so close to my ear that I actually jerk. "Don't stalk them." he whispers into my ear.

I don't stalk them. I just watch a couple, with my best friend being a part of it, kissing. I just watch them enjoying their first kiss and revelling in the first so very special moments of amazed realisation that the other one feels the same. The first moments of delighted discovery how the other one feels so close. The gentle first exploration of each other's lips, the exciting first exploration of each other's mouth and tongue and the first pure physical proximity. Something Barbara has secretly longed for although she never has said it aloud. Not even to me. But the looks and the secret touches and accidental brushes of their hands and their constant gentle blush during the previous evening, during the previous days even, have spoken volumes of their years long desire for each other. And now they've finally recognised it's mutual. It has been for so long that they haven't dared to approach each other and now they're finally getting somewhere.

"Finally!" I mumble. Two strong arms loop around my waist and pull me backwards against a male chest. Winston's soft lips murmur onto the skin behind my ear.

"Good to see that. Now stop stalking and return your attention to me as long as your little devils are busy in the kitchen."

A loud ringtone disturbs the peace and Winnie's as well as my head look up towards the kissing couple.

"He can't be serious!" he moaned. "Coming here - ok, in fact while he's on a case - but then he's giving her that mindblowing first kiss with his mobile not turned off?!"

"So you've watched it too?"

"Of course I have!"

"Look! For once they don't care."

Tommy's mobile rings a third time and, sad as it is, this time it reaches through their lovesick cloud. Still kissing they hesitate to part but when they do after the fourth ring Tommy keeps one arm around her so Barbara could cuddle into his chest. They share a huge grinning but nervous smile and he waits until his phone has rung a fifth time before he rips his eyes from hers and finally ends that annoying sound. Although the caller has disturbed something very special Tommy sounds relaxed.

"Maynard..." he patiently says as if he was speaking to a nerving child. "How can I help you now?" Barbara rests her forehead against his chest but I can see that she's still smiling. Her hands crawl under his jacket and I think that she's even trying to get under his waistcoat. Tommy's free hand moves down her spine and to her bottom cheeks and as far as I can tell he's softly squeezing it. "I've told you to only call when you have something really, really important. I don't think this is really, really important, do you? ... See. I'll be there soon. And don't you call me again unless the corpse rises and tells you who's murdered him."

"Look!" I whisper to Winston. "Aren't they sweet?"

Barbara lifts her chin so Tommy could give her another small kiss. "I'm sorry, Barbara." He speaks so quiet that I have to put his words together by the motion of his lips. They share another lingering kiss and another loving smile.

Barbara strokes his cheek and her thumb caresses his lips. She still looks a bit unbelieving what has happened. Her chest heaves in a deep sigh. She nods and whispers something I don't understand before they share another kiss. Barbara has blushing red ears and I chuckle.

"I could be back in the evening." Tommy suggests.

"We'll be having a BBQ tonight." Barbara shrugs her shoulders. "Last party for the inner circle."

"Well, I'll try to drop by early and get some left overs." DI Lynley still makes no attempt to leave. "Shall I give you a ride then?"

Barbara blushes even deeper. _Naughty girl!_ I think. _Naughty, naughty girl!_ I have to grin. But then I suddenly spot PC Marian Castrew deviously grinning in the background. I madly glare at her until she meets my eyes, then I narrow mine and make a clear gesture with my thumb at my throat. She just rolls her eyeballs and leaves to the apple trees she has to cut but the wonderful moment in front of the shed door has ended anyway.

"You have to go." Barbara croaks.

I don't see much of their last good bye kiss because finally Winston has turned me around and convinced me that getting more practise in kissing him is more important than witnessing someone other's first kisses.

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 **A/N:** Happy weekend everyone!


	12. Apple Tree

**A/N:** Here's a bit of the background story that has led to chapter 2 ;-)

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 **Apple Tree**

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* * *

I shake my head while I oil the old hedge clippers. Havers and Lynley - who could have guessed...

I didn't know that they were _so_ close. I knew they _are_ close, close as colleagues, even close friends but not close like _lovers_... They have kissed! And how!

This definitely has been no kiss between good friends. Not even between very good friends. And most definitely not between colleagues, between the DI and his Sergeant. They have... well, _snogged_ and I knew when I've first caught the sight of them that they thought they'd be alone. Then they have whispered and kissed a bit more. Tender, affectionate, loving. Unfortunately in the moment when I was about to say something I met Jenna's eyes. She's stood in the house and has seen me. She has made it very clear that I had to keep my mouth shut or she'll kill me. Who am I to blow it with my Sergeant's best friend?! Although it has been tough not to say anything. I grin and wonder why I wasn't allowed to disturb them.

Probably they've had another of their serious arguments the previous night and now they've made up.

I laugh into the twigs of the tree I still have to cut. The arguments between those two are legendary. And now I know what happens when he finishes it with 'In my office, Havers' and she - usually steaming - follows him. After a few moments of shouting there usually is silence behind that door. If Barbara won't come storming out and goes home, that is. Usually followed by Lynley a few minutes later.

Well, well, well! The Inspector and the Sarge... Now it all becomes clear. Of course, I've always suspected something but never would I've dared to think that they actually _are_ an item!

It explains why Lynley's eyes continuously have beamed a broad smile at her when she had held the first meetings of that project here. Proud of what she was starting. The Commissioner had agreed on financing this house from the resources the Met has for good causes but that it would become such a big thing had not been clear at that time. We've just followed a call on the black board to do something for the not so well situated kids and parents who suffer from the system or personal setbacks. First it had been meant as a place where parents should be able to relax, where their kids could play, and all without costs. But with all the echo and all the volunteers and all the financial means it may become an even bigger thing.

Enthusiastically I cut a few twigs from the wild tree.

After a few meetings and when it turned really serious Barbara even had initiated this fund as a solid backing. And I can imagine who's put a huge amount of money in it. We, the common people, mostly only donated a few quid and our hands by working here. Lynley and the other Guvs have allowed many extra spare hours this year. And apart from the inner circle we are a huge group of volunteers, not only from the police but also with neighbours and friends. We've all helped here. We've uncluttered the old house, made it inhabitable, cleared up the yard - which could be called a garden, like Lynley always says - built the playground, rebuilt the wall in the back so the kids who will come here in the near future won't be able to run across the railway. And when the gate finally comes back it will be safe on all sides.

From my high point I have a look around. It's nice here. And it becomes even nicer with the knowing that those two are together. I'm happy for them.

I think tonight at the BBQ I'll ask them. Or at least I'll ask Barbara. I really want to know how and when they've come together. I really wonder. And - without any jealousy - she's made a big catch.

I climb a few more steps on the ladder to reach some higher branches. Well, yes, I _am_ a bit jealous. But I have my own hubby at home who's quite the sweetheart and Lynley's too old for me anyway. I giggle.

Those two are about the same age and to be honest they give a beautiful couple. And they love each other. I'm sure of that. I've hoped and wondered about it since I first came into their team and over the years I've become quite sure that there is something going on between them. Even more so during the developing of this project. Lynley's rather sweet. He's not captured the idea and played his rank or golden credit card. At every meeting he had been able to attend he sat in the background and let Barbara do her thing. But he always looked at her as if he loved her more than anything else. Although he had mostly stayed silent he had been of great help for 'the project' (It's Barbara's name for it. I've heard friends talking about 'Havers' Hut' but I guess she would not want it to be named that way. Anyway I think it's funny!) Lynley had been to the solicitors with her and put in a good word for this project with the bank. They probably never would have agreed on the loan without his Lordship's intervening. Ah, well, yes, alright, he _has_ played his name. Anyway, it had worked and it was for a good cause.

And this good cause had grown bigger and bigger and suddenly the idea of a small kindergarten for the poor had its solid ground - we've had the positive answer from Macmillan* that they'd pay for at least two nurses for one year until Havers' Hut hopefully will stand on its own feet - and even grew into the prospect that one day this will turn out to be a short stay home or even - we've dared to say it aloud at the last meeting - will become a hospice eventually. I've even heard something about getting in touch with the City of London.

We all know the story of Jenna's Kevin, her loss, her grief and pain and her bloody ex-husband. She's looked very sad and grey when we've started it all about one year ago and now she's happy. Our first afflicted single parent who has benefitted from this project. Although I agree that Winston has a huge part in her well-being the entire work here has done her and her other two kids very, very good.

And it obviously has done Lynley and Havers good. I've recognised that they've handled each other less grumpy or bossy lately and they definitely have argued less at the office. Although Barbara has spent a lot of time here, I think all of her spare time, so he might have become angry or would envy this house for seeing her more than _he_ had been able to lately. Or maybe it's just that they've had less reasons and opportunities to fight. I've often seen them leave together and always thought they'd be having a pint, without us. He, the Lord, above us all, and she, the difficult Sergeant, not wanting to have small talk with other people. Now I know that they might have left together because they have spent not only the evenings after work together.

I lean into the tree while I think of all this and stare down at the shed. On the other hand Barbara has still looked... lonely, somehow, all the time. A glance at him here, a long look when she's thought to be unobserved there. And both usually have retreated their hands if the other was about to touch it accidentally. And they never have had the appearance that they've cuddled in his office. Never had they looked ruffled as if they had snogged in the lift, never had they looked red and heated as if there had been a wild encounter in the car. And there still are always two cars. They actually haven't been seen in any ambiguous situation at all. They have avoided being caught, haven't they? But maybe they haven't avoided but there haven't _been_ such moments?

Then I almost fall off the ladder. Oh, my! Now it hits me! I haven't watched them making up for an argument!

I've watched them sharing their first kiss ever.

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 **A/N:** So good that this is fiction and everything can be created going easy, even such a 'project' ;-)

*Macmillan Cancer Support: I don't know if they would do in real life what I've written here, but I can imagine they would. Anyway they help and that's good. Have a look yourself on their web site macmillan dot org dot uk . And even if you're not from the UK I'm pretty sure there is a charity in your country as well. This is no commercial advertising!


	13. A Kissing Couple

**A/N:** Well, my break is over. Here we go again. Enjoy...

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 **A Kissing Couple**

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I hear her saying my name. It's the first time she said it and she said it so easy. It makes me feel joy spreading through my body. It reduces my vocabulary to that of a teenager but I manage to stop her from leading me to something she has painted. I don't care for that. I'm here to see her. When she turns around she's shy, she even can't really look at me but I still get closer. All I want is to kiss her. Barbara stays but she's making me nervous by licking her lips. I wonder if she knows what she's doing to me. She makes me completely forget my eloquency.

She obviously doesn't care. We get a bit closer. I so want to kiss her and in a sweet shy way she looks like she wants it too. I want to show her how much I love her and still I don't dare. Knowing what everybody's saying about me and my women this has to be perfect. I don't have to rush things but I shouldn't hold back. Apart from that I really have to reassure her that my feelings for her are solid and true although I still have to reassure myself about that. She's not just a colleague ready for a fling. She's my best friend who has become the woman I also love, deeply love. This time I feel more love than I've ever felt before. Tentatively expecting something mindblowing Barbara stands on tiptoes while I bend down to her, ready to meet her lips, ready to kiss her, ready to let my body speak what I don't yet dare to say. I hesitate just a bit too long so she backs away again, just a tad, just a few millimetres that makes me smile and want her even more.

"Barbara!" I breathe and feel the echo of warmth coming from her face. My eyes close automatically. I can smell the hint of her simple perfume with an underlayer of acrylic paint. For a second I think that Barbara is not at all the kind of women I've dated until now. She's pure and authentic. She's real. She's absolutely real and she's suddenly becoming bold. I really do like that. Her hands take hold of my hips and while I move my face down to hers I feel her tongue licking my lips. Of course it only was by accident. It becomes clear when I feel her breath leaving my face again.

I don't want to stop here so I follow. With my hand I try to keep her next to me. My muscles almost cramp while I try hard not to just grab her and pull her into my chest although I really do want that very much. I want to embrace her and give her the mindblowing kiss she may expect. I want to kiss her hard and still I know I shouldn't start like that. It's not easy to hold back with her so close to me and still not close enough. Oh, Barbara...

I open my eyes only to see her tempting lips open. I stop breathing and decide that this back and forth has to end. In the same moment I feel her subtly pulling at my waist. Her eyes are a clear indication for me that she wants the same. In unison our eyes close again and finally our lips hesitantly meet. Just for a second, almost as short as it has been yesterday, but it is longer. It is wonderful and it has to continue. With a tiny noise I exhale the breath I've held.

I swear I will never forget how her lips feel when we really kiss for the first time. Almost immediately she moves her head back and our lips almost part. It almost feels as if she wants me to follow, as if she wants me to show her that this is what I want although I thought it's obvious. I follow. I want this. My fingertips at her carotid send her racing heartbeat into my system. The touch has the desired effect to keep her from moving away. This time we don't part. We kiss. Properly, lingering, mindblowing. Barbara's lips are firm but her kiss is neither harsh nor hurried. It doesn't feel inexperienced too. In years I haven't felt anything like this, if ever. My knees turn weak when she slowly answers the soft nudges I give her.

Time stops.

Finally we part and her breath is as exaggerated as mine. I can feel it on my face again. I can feel her warmth against my skin and I don't bother to open my eyes. Everything I need is to feel her. And I feel her really close to me. She's not moving back now so I give her a couple of small kisses which to my delight are gently answered. Her body comes even closer to me when she snakes her arms around my body. In return I get even closer to her by placing my hands in her back. It makes her prolong the short but sweet contacts of our lips.

She has started to let her lips linger on mine again but I am the one who starts to open our lips. Barbara willingly lets my tongue explore her mouth until she fights back and invades mine. So much adventurousness wasn't what I have expected from her. At least not so soon. But it sends an electrifying shiver through my body. I hear a nice little moan from deep inside her lungs. It's accompanied by a heavy pressure in my back. Her hands grab into the cloth of my jacket and I give in to the desire to pull her into me. Her bottom under all the loose cloth of her funny trousers feels firm but female and I return the favour of a little groan when I feel her hip grinding against my growing arousal.

This is far too quick, I know, and I have told myself to be slow but actually I can't help it. I want her. I want to make love to her right there under the apple tree. I want us to be alone right now. With amazement I feel that she certainly wants the same. With delight I suddenly realise again how deeply I love her. I want to feel more of this, I want to feel her near to me, I want to feel all of her.

Instead we slowly disconnect our lips. No, I don't want to stop and I can feel that Barbara would like to go on so I keep my arm around her to let her cuddle into my chest. It still looks a bit uncertain, although rather surprised about herself, when she smiles at me. Not that I feel a hundred percent self-confident myself. I only know what _I_ want but I can imagine, in fact I think I can feel through her body language what she wants and it feels as if we want the same but neither of us has said it aloud yet.

A strange beeping sound wakes me from my thoughts. Was it my phone? Have I changed my ringtone?

"Sir? ...Sir!"

"Maynard..." I patiently say.

"Well, Sir, this is what we've found." Maynard replies.

I jerk on my chair. Oh, boy, I was daydreaming about the kiss I shared with Barbara earlier. Good that I haven't dreamed about the juicier encounter we shared later when we've said goodbye. This first kiss has made my loins react enough, even now in retrospective. It's one thing to get caught by Lafferty, which is a horrid thing on its own, but this young Constable here shouldn't lose his respect for me. I shouldn't appear like an unprofessional love-struck fool. I'm his DI, I'm his superior. Oh, how embarrassing this is. Hoping that he hasn't recognised anything stranger than me looking stupidly grinning at a screen I give him a quick but politely nondescript smile. Maynard only looks at me as if he thinks I'm weird.

Well, I probably have looked weird.

We've watched the CCTV footage and I think I stopped really looking at it when that kissing couple appeared on the screen.

"So you think there's something really, really important?" I ask him. "I've only seen a kissing couple." And I dearly hope there hasn't been anything else I've missed.

"Well, if you look closer, Sir..." The constable zoomed in the still image. There was a reflection in the window pane of the shop. Well, obviously there is something important. The reflection showed two men having a physical argument and one of them looks very much like the dead man in the morgue.

"Well, looks as if you're right. Good work, Maynard. I think we have a start so we better get going now."

Because I want to meet Barbara at the BBQ and I really don't want to be too late.

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	14. Intense

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 **Intense**

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Stupidly happy and horribly nervous I first want to show him what I've painted at the other shed wall. He holds me back and I turn only to see the most loving face I've ever seen. His smile makes me even more nervous, if not slightly anxious. Then I realise I've called him by his given name.

Tommy.

As if I've always called him so. And it easily just slipped from my tongue. Now I don't even dare to really look at him.

But to my not so secret delight the inevitable happens. He comes closer and through the sound of my blood rushing through my head I hear him saying in strangely laborious words that he's here to continue the kiss we've started yesterday. I can tell he's a bit nervous too. Is this the man whom I thought to be the professional womanizer? I obviously did him wrong although a little bit of nervousness suits him. He's cute. Sexy. Inwardly I groan. He actually is a womaniser. I get weak. As if I was strong before...

Anyway we're both smiling. We're approaching each other but we still hesitate. We breathe into each other's face without exactly touching. This is pleasantly thrilling.

I lick my lips in anticipation and since we're so close I accidentally lick his too. In shock I withdraw from him. For a moment we stare at each other. I see his face turning serious, his eyes telling me that he appreciates this touch. I don't need to see anything more so I close my eyes. Oh, man, kiss me! Now! Involuntarily I pull at his waist and our lips softly but too briefly meet.

I'm a coward! Fear of doing it wrong makes me get back but I desperately want him to follow. He does and keeps me from retreating more with his fingers' magical touch on my neck. A sizzling wave of goosepimples floats across my side. My mind refuses to think.

We gently kiss.

His lips are softer than I ever have imagined. His kiss is more tender than I've ever dreamed of. Tommy's touch on my mouth is more gentle than I've ever been touched before. In my imagination I may have thought that we'd kiss passionately and heavy but this was soft and tender. Only slowly our lips start to nudge their counterparts. I feel like I'm in heaven. A fluffy cloud of candyfloss builds in my stomach and overflows my body with a comfortable sweet numbness. I think I moan.

The kiss lasts for aeons before I need to breathe. Hoping that this moment will never ever stop my eyes stay closed. His breath mingles with mine before we exchange a few feathery kisses. Automatically my arms move around him like his encircle me. I want more. I need more. Uncertain of how to go on, of how to make him understand that I want this to last longer I just let my lips linger on his and he comprehends.

I am more than ready for my mouth to open. Tommy only needs to apply a small directing pressure and I let him taste the inner wet parts of my lips. For the umpteenth time a lightly breathed involuntary moan escapes my lungs. I can't help it and only hope I don't appear too needy. But who am I kidding? Tommy's lips don't feel like he's trying to hide his own desire.

When his tongue finally enters my mouth it's more than exciting. And he knows how to do it. He knows how he makes me cling to him. He knows how he could turn my knees into jelly and my stomach into a center of excited warmth. Tommy takes his time. For a short while I let him explore and only answer slightly but the feeling that is sparkling in my belly eventually turns into a roaring fire. I push his tongue backwards with mine. A quiet growl accompanies its way into his mouth. Our tongues twist and gently wrestle and breathing becomes extremely hard. Our noses brush and feeling his hands on my behind I finally can't keep myself from pressing my pelvis into his crotch.

Oh, good gracious, his desire is obvious. Mmmmh! I'm not unpleased at all. Like he clearly wants me I definitely want him now, so without any shame I grind myself against the promising bulge and earn an approving moan from Tommy. Is this really me that causes such a reaction, _this_ man's reaction? For a brief second I wonder why on earth this wonderful man wants me of all women. How could it be that this formerly unreachable man is sharing the most wonderful first kiss with _me_. And I deeply wonder why on earth I've not tried before. This really feels like heaven, so soft, so placid, yet strong and desireful. So tender, yet passionate. He feels so good that I definitely want more. Tommy feels so good that I definitely never want this to end.

I think it is a beeping mobile phone that disturbs us again. I think it has rung a few times before Tommy has heard it. I think it even has rung a couple of times more before I have heard it too. We grin a nervous smile after we've ended that first exploring encounter. I'm a total plushy mess by now. I'm melted against him and need his supporting arms or I'd probably swoon. If this was just a kiss how completely liquefied I'd be when he was making love with me?

Suddenly I feel watched by all my companions around here so I try to hide my blushing, foolishly grinning face in his chest. His strong arm keeps holding me against it anyway while he's talking with his new Constable.

He has to go again, I know our fate, I know our job. Anyway he gives me another kiss and another smile. Tenderly I caress his face. Has this really happened? Did we just share a kiss? Such a kiss?! Was his Lordship DI Lynley really snogging with his little sidekick Sergeant Havers? I deeply sigh. This obviously is real. As real as his bloody case is. I know he has to go.

Tommy stays where he is and we share another brief kiss. He doesn't really want to go but he could come back later, when we have the BBQ at this site. Another kiss seals the deal that he will drop by in the evening and pick me up. My face is burning red now because all I could think of is the softly swaying motion of him against me. Our lips approach each other again.

"You have to go." I whisper.

"Why?" a tiny boyish voice asks. I jerk and open my eyes. Danny sits on the other wooden deckchair and watches me. Behind him Jenna is just sitting up from her blanket where she has made a pause from all the work. A nasty smirk is plastered on her face.

"Would you rather be alone, Barb?" she fake-innocently asks with not just a hint of insinuation. Now the young one is even more interested.

"Why would you?" Danny asks again.

"I guess she was dreaming and would like to continue." Oh, hell, Jenna is so right. A flash of memory strikes through my head. When Tommy and I have said good bye earlier we have let the good bye kiss slightly get out of hand. My lips were swollen for a couple of minutes after he finally has left and I still feel the ghostly imagination of his lips' pressure on mine. He had pulled me into his chest and against his groin and I was not at all objecting but instead I've kept pulling at him with my hands in his nape and at his hip and wherever else I could grab a part of him. If we had been alone we definitely would have ignored his summons to work. Right there in front of the shed door we'd have- "See?" Jenna fortunately disturbed my thoughts. "Look how she grins. And blushes. I'm exactly right."

"Oh, shut up, Jenna!" Although I'm really deeply blushing I couldn't help but join her grinning. She knows me too well.

"Yeah, shut up, Mum!" Danny grins too.

"You both watch your language!" Jenna chides us. "Danny, what have I told you?"

"Yes, Mum. Sorry."

"Now be a good boy and get some lemonade for us all, will you?"

While Danny dashes into the house I lean back into the pillow on my deckchair and close my eyes against the late afternoon sun. After this little exchange of words my cheeks are slightly warmed up. This daydream actually has been too real, the memory of our intense kiss still is too vivid, the desire to have him in my arms again is too strong and I really could do with a cold drink now. Unintentionally I sigh. I don't hear a noise from Jenna. I know she's stopped breathing, probably holds back a laugh and is watching me closely.

"Stop grinning, Jenna!" It makes her burst out in a loud fit of laughter. Just what I've thought.

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	15. Here I Am

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 **Here I am**

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I am late already. It's about eleven something and I almost had expected them to be gone by now, but a few are still here. At least those who have the week off for the last things to be done here. And DS Miller from DCI Johnson's team is quite a bit tipsy already. Unfortunately he's stopped me at the gate - god knows behind which one of those trucks standing at the kerb he has relieved himself. I definitely don't appreciate that at all but actually I don't care much at the moment because he's keeping me away from Barbara with some annoying story about the BBQ evening, including him and DS Fox. The beer he's offered me I have rejected. I still have to drive today. I have to bring Barbara home.

Barbara... Scanning the scene behind Miller I can see her sitting there by a campfire. The light of it making her hair glow as if it was in flames and her face beams red. She looks so beautiful and relaxed. I only want to take her in my arms again. Settle what has started with that kiss we shared in front of the shed before Maynard has called me back to the office with a stupid minor discovery on some CCTV footage. The memory of that kiss hasn't left my mind the entire day and it has started to slowly push away my professional focus. Maynard has caught me daydreaming a few times today but at least we've found more than the reflection in a shop window during the rest of the day so we've finally been able to pick up a thread, some lead we could finally follow. We've made plans for tomorrow, organised the team, put some structure in the few facts we were able to collect, prepared everything for a meeting with everyone. But for tonight there was nothing more we could do.

For tonight I'm free. For tonight I'm all hers. If she wants me.

I for one definitely want her. Not physically, well, at least not only physically. Ah, shut up, man, in fact I deeply want her physically. I want to go home, to hers or mine I don't care, and make love to her. I want to make love to her for the rest of this night. Caress and satisfy her to pieces before I go to work tomorrow and I want to repeat this for the rest of all our nights. I want to repeat this for the rest of our days. But even more than that I want her to be in my life. I want to go to bed with her and I want to wake up with her. I want to go to work with her and be the invincibly best team in the Met with her. I want to be there for her and I want to share my complete life with her.

Ah, well...

I sigh and then give some humming sounds to signal Miller that I still listen to him although I actually don't. While he talks I only watch Barbara. She's still in her cute dungarees but now she has put on a light sweater. Danny sits in her lap, her chest being the pillow for his head, her arms looped around him so he couldn't slip off. He looks very tired and for a boy of that age it should be sleeping time already. Well, yes, every now and then you could let them stay awake a bit longer. Adults do that too sometimes.

I sigh again and suppress a smirk.

I don't think she's seen me. She chats with the boy while both stare into the flames. The fire isn't really roaring anymore and there's only quiet music from Laurence playing the guitar for himself so I can hear them both rather clearly. I start to listen to her conversation with the boy instead of the silly babbling from Miller. Danny seems to have doubts or fears about his mom and Winston. He wants to know if he has to call him dad from now on. Barbara gives him a squeeze and appeases him that she's very sure that Winnie won't insist on it. And she's pretty sure that he likes them all. Barbara is so adorable when she talks to a child like that. An old wish starts to bloom again in my mind. A wish I should keep behind at the moment. It's not easy.

I swallow when I hear Danny asking if Winston likes Kevin too. Kevin was his brother. Even Barbara has to swallow before she answers. She gives him a soft kiss on his head but unfortunately her answer is so quiet that I can't hear it.

Additionally DC Miller is talking too loud now. He asks something slurry with 'great project' and 'huge progress' and even though I haven't heard the exact question I dare to smile into his face, politely nod and say something positive like 'Yes, sure, quite great'. At least I think this is what I've just said. I should get back to earth and try to have a proper conversation with this man. Although I don't want to stay here a deep breath helps me concentrate on his words.

"Will you be at the party next weekend?" he asks and still keeps me busy with a meaningless dialogue about the forthcoming event at the opening day without waiting for more of an answer than my nod. Of course I will be at the opening. I will accompany Barbara, or so I hope. At the opening party I plan on being the man at her side. Did I just get dreamy eyes? Maynard looks a bit confused. Well, it seems as if he doesn't care too much because it takes not long before his tale returns into an enthusiastic monologue and my mind and my eyes wander back - have they ever left? - to the woman I love, which I haven't told her yet, I realise once again.

I have to change that. I have to change so much. I have to change parts of my life and that will be good. Wonderful. A bit messier, I guess. But I think even if I don't want to I will change _her_ entire life. Once more: if she lets me. She will be the one who'll have deeper changes in her life, I suppose. My family, my heritage, my title, her title maybe. I dearly hope she hasn't thought about that too much and got scared off. Well, she could think about all of it, I only don't want her to retreat again just because she would be a countess one day. My countess. My very different to all I know countess.

Oh, boy, I'm so glad that it's dark. My face suddenly has started to glow. We've only kissed once - well, sort of _only once_. All these kisses we've shared until now could be seen as a great encounter but we haven't really talked yet and I'm already making her my wife and the mother of my children. Although that's no wonder at all, I guess.

I want children and I know she would want at least one. We're not the youngest anymore. And I know she'd be a great mother. It looks so natural how Barbara holds and cradles the boy. How she softly rocks him. He's obviously fallen asleep now. I can't suppress the smile that creeps into my face. She loves children and most children love her. Oh, yes, she should've become a mother already. But well, actually no. Somehow I'm glad that she hasn't. Not with the men she's dated. I know her for ten years now and I think the time before we met hasn't been much better concerning men. I'm here to change that. In every thinkable matter.

In the meantime Winston and Jenna have started to forget the world around them. They gently hug, caress and kiss each other and it wakens the urge in me to kiss Barbara again. Wasn't this part of what I am here for?

Her eyes suddenly meet mine, or at least I hope that it's suddenly and we haven't stared at each other again for some time. This really shouldn't become a habit. I think we look quite weird when we do that and I fear that we've done it a couple of times lately. Even Miller finally has recognised I don't follow his words anymore. He's turned and looked into the direction my eyes almost constantly have looked.

Barbara smiles at me and with the slightest of movements with her head she tells me I should come over to the fire and sit down next to her. Of course Miller has seen it too.

"She's all yours, I think. Get over there and make her happy." Miller stupidly giggles. "She's waited for you."

"Yah." I reply flatly. _And you are the only reason why I'm not sitting there already._ "See you later!"

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	16. Campfire

**A/N:** I feel my mind sliding to certain regions where I don't want to watch my words anymore at all. I've changed the rating into M, just to be sure.

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 **Campfire**

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At first I've thought he wouldn't be able to drop by but now he stands at the old fridge we've put onto the veranda. Just for tonight we have our beverages in it (later it will be disposed of, it's an old power guzzler) and Tommy has been so kind offering to bring me a beer. Danny has fallen asleep on my lap and we both wouldn't want to disturb him.

I've talked with the cute boy earlier. He's having fears about Winston and Jenna. He thinks he won't be her number one anymore but I've told him that it never will happen. Then I've tried to reassure him that his mom will always love him the most even though she may also love another man, like Winston for example. We've talked about love and family and even a bit about his late brother Kevin, something Danny usually avoids. The little whirlwind can be so serious sometimes that it almost hurts. But he's still a baby and it's very late so it's no wonder that he's fallen asleep eventually.

Earlier I've caught the sight of Tommy standing at the open gate with Miller, who's obviously quite a bit drunk by now. Tommy surely has watched me quite a while before I've turned my head and recognised him. He's not looked away but has given me the hint of a smile while he's pretended to listen to Miller's monologue. Happiness flooded my mind (and my body) and I probably started to grin like a fool. On the opposite side of the campfire Jenna and Winston mentally have left this world and everything I've wanted was to be kissed like that. To be kissed by Tommy again.

I've been so bold to indicate with a slight nod of my head that he should come over to me. Unfortunately Miller has seen it too and then he has started to stupidly giggle. I really don't want to know what he's said to Tommy. He's looked a bit tight lipped during his reply but finally he went over to me.

"Hello!" he's murmured and without much ado has bent down to me. Despite my heart suddenly beating faster I've instinctively stretched my neck so our faces have met halfway and we've shared a shortly lingering kiss. It's been then already that I could've jumped up and shout out my joy. This was so easy going as if we've been together for years. He's sat down next to me, we've exchanged a few words about Jenna and the DC being on cloud number 9. We've exchanged a look that told me we're feeling both like being on cloud number 9A, then he's bent over to me and we've exchanged another short and tentative kiss. After all there still was a sleeping boy sitting in my lap.

"How's it going with the case?" I've asked and could've killed myself for bringing up that dull and unpleasant topic.

"Like tree gum. But at least we've picked up a thin thread." he's answered and added a bit disconnected that he's free until tomorrow morning. Well, actually it wasn't too disconnected. Suddenly so many thoughts overrun each other in my head so all I could croak was that I could do with a beer. I can be such an idiot sometimes.

With the open bottle of beer and a can of juice he now stands there on the veranda because he's stopped by Miller again. Somehow he looks sweetly misplaced in his suit. We all look like workers in our old stained clothes and he's wearing this dark three-piece thing that has irritated me before. Good that he's left his jacket in the car or in the office, I don't know. He's not wearing it at the moment. Without it he looks so stylishly casual. And with the waistcoat's buttons there is even more foreplaying fun for me.

Oops! Am I drooling? Oh, better not! I swallow. My thoughts are everything but decent and so I quickly divert my eyes. Seeing Jenna snogging with Winston isn't very helpful so I automatically return my eyes to Tommy. Miller gives him another monologue and Tommy's tight lips very clearly indicate again that he doesn't really like standing there. But of course he's a polite gentleman. He still very eloquently and politely answers.

Then it strikes me. Oh, hell, I've gotten myself involved with the 8th Earl of Asherton! And it doesn't even feel odd. Well, at least not too much. Above all he obviously returns my feelings. Well, at least it looks - and definitely feels - as if he does.

I deeply breathe to calm my nerves. The Earl and I. Unbelievable for so many years. Unthinkable even! And now... If this won't work it will leave me, my psyche, and probably my career too, completely shattered. But if this works...

Good gracious! If this goes on and if it works I'm going to be his countess! I almost giggle like a school-girl. No, no, no, that's still unthinkable. I guess. Well, at least I shouldn't think about it. I should better concentrate on the moment. On the wonderful moment right now. I should better concentrate on the smooth texture of Tommy's chin which indicates that before he's come here he has used the shaver he hides in the top drawer of his desk. I long to caress this chin, touch Tommy's cheeks, feel his skin on my face.

When will Miller ever stop talking? I sigh. Tommy's eyes meet mine and nodding an answer towards Miller's chatting he smiles at me.

Oh, look away, Barbara, look away. He doesn't need to know that I am watching him again. Lately I do that too often. I shouldn't... Ah, blimey, who am I trying to fool? According to his smile he already knows.

Tommy finally has the opportunity to return to my place. I smile a silent thanks and take a sip from the offered beer. His arm around my shoulder straight after he sat down is so cosy and warm. I really do like it and not just because it had turned cooler at that time of day. I turn my head and our faces brush. Has he just tried to nuzzle my neck?

Oh, I don't care for anything with his lips so softly on mine. Don't stop, man! I definitely want more of it. Thankful that the light of the fire bathes everything in an orange light I feel my face glowing red again. I know that I'm beaming as much as Tommy does. My heart beats so fast and loud I could only hope that Danny won't wake up from its sound.

While I gently rock him I take another sip from the cold beer and then turn my head back to Tommy. He's still watching me in silence and it makes me nervous. He wakes feelings and a hope that I still don't dare to think through to the end.

Tommy points his chin towards the boy on my lap. "I haven't noticed that you've become a mother." I can tell from his winking eyes that he has meant it as a joke. How could he know that I've thought about that lately. From that moment on when I've turned 39 I have in mind that next time I turn 40. I'm not young anymore. Absolutely not. And all the children that surrounded me here made it all the more obvious that I need a man in my life and with him, as soon as possible, I should start building a family before it's too late for me.

Am I allowed to think about Tommy as the father to my children? I guess. Dreaming always is allowed.

Tommy's eyes have turned serious but he's not pitying me, he's just realised what he's said. And I just realise that I can imagine building a family with _him_. Oh, good gracious, yes, the idea of marrying his Lordship doesn't even scare me right now. Let alone the thought of having a baby with him, and not to mention _making_ a baby with Tommy.

Oh, that's too much!

I don't shiver from the cold. It's the look he gives me. Sad, longing, serious, gentle. Loving? I think my own eyes betray me. They refuse to hide my feelings for him. They're clearly shining through and although my mind constantly tells me I should not let myself slip deeper into this fantastically perfect world I count his smile as a positive answer to my inner debate if he would want to be said father. His eyes light up as if he has read my mind but I still try to be sensible enough to tell myself I should be realistic. Anyway his expression is nothing but promising, loving, gentle. If I wouldn't sit already I'd probably swoon. Tommy's free arm engulfs the boy when he's cupping my face with his hand. His thumb caresses my cheek and he leans closer to me. Every inner debate comes to a halt.

His kiss is still cautious but softer and longer now. Before it turns deeper I can taste a promise on my lips. Softly he coaxes them apart and let the tip of his tongue play with mine while his face turns into a grin. I can feel it on my mouth.

Not long and we part again. Of course, he can't kiss while he's grinning like that. But no, please no! Don't stop! Please let this go on! I guess my own grin looks kind of stupid.

"Hmmm..." I quietly breathe and lean into him. I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to end this kiss. He tastes so good and feels even better. I could kiss him forever. Even if the sun would rise and fall in between. I wouldn't care.

"Barbara?" Or he could go on whispering my name. Without end. With his wonderfully gentle voice, with his so very own touch of amusement, with this sexy, slightly croaking crack. Gosh, he must know how seductive he sounds when he's murmuring like this.

"Hmmm?" I still don't bother to open my eyes. His lips are close to my ears now. His breath is on that spot that makes me completely weak. How does he know?

"Let me drive you home!"

Oh, hell, yes! You can take me wherever you want, Tommy!

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	17. Which Way?

**.**

 **Which way?**

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* * *

I fear the next question. It will demand a decision.

I've just asked to bring her home and Barbara has agreed immediately - but which home will it be? The junction where it finally has to be decided is not very far anymore. But where should I turn? My house would mean I have to turn to the right, her flat will be the left road. I don't dare to ask although until now nothing between us has looked wrong, nothing really has been difficult at all, anything before has felt better than this actually. And I know we both want this to continue tonight. This desire is palpably sizzling between us. Still I'm a bit nervous. I want this night to become perfect. The woman next to me on the passenger seat deserves it!

Earlier I've dropped by at their BBQ, at the campfire after it that is, and it has been so very easy to kiss her. It has felt normal just to bend down and brush her lips with mine although I have to admit that everything in me screamed for more. Sure, we haven't talked very much, something we really should do eventually, because now there definitely is something between us that should be the topic of a serious conversation soon, there are things to be sorted out. We have to put our silent conversations into words eventually but it really wasn't necessary earlier at the campfire. Barbara seemed to be entirely happy that I was there. Yes, indeed, she also seemed to be nervous but I am nervous too. Like hell, in fact. We're on the way to replacing our friendship with something deeper. We're on the way to replace it with love.

Oh, well, no, that's not totally true.

We already have that love, I believe, and we've already had it for a long time, or so it feels. And in fact we're not going to give up our friendship. We're not replacing it. We just add our love to it. Open love, not hidden behind secret glances and hesitant words with double meaning.

Words... I really don't know why I still haven't told her in actual words. I can only hope she feels it. And I'm definitely going to tell her tonight. I'm going to make it a special moment and then I'm planning on loving her for the rest of the night. I'm planning on making love with her on each and every coming day until we die in a far away future.

Oh, good gracious - plans! Nothing has gone according to plan by now. As if anything had in our shared history. So why do I still wonder that we've been constantly interrupted during the previous days... While I was trying to approach her, while I was trying to kiss her, even while we've finally kissed and while we've been short before ignoring the bright daylight and the people around us. Well, that was a hot development. It still makes me foolishly chuckle.

Oh, yes, I'm a happy fool in love. The smile I constantly wear turns a bit broader while I glance at Barbara. She sits on the passenger seat like she mostly does. Her elbow at the door, her cheek resting on the outsides of her fingers, her face slightly turned to me. When she's angry with me she always turns to the other side and glares out of the window. Now she even returns my glance. Amused wrinkles have appeared in the corner of her eyes. Her tempting lips are smiling and I just want to brake and kiss her right now. Of course I don't. It's not advisable in the middle of this busy street. I have to wait until we are at home. I sigh.

Home... Which home? And how on earth should I phrase the question which way to turn? She looks at me somehow expectant, shy and cheeky at the same time. And soft. Tonight the features of Barbara's face are softer than I've ever seen.

Suddenly the car shakes when I quickly bring it back into my lane. The wrinkles deepen and her smile turns into a grin.

"Don't laugh." I say almost pouting although I know she doesn't really laugh at me.

"Look onto the street, Sir." she softly mumbles.

"Easier said..." I murmur and sigh again. My dilemma isn't solved yet. How could I ask which way I should take? Should I just drive to the left and make her feel not welcome at _my_ home for the night? Will I make her feel rejected because I may not want to come into her flat or do I make her feel obliged to ask me? Do I make her feel like she has to decide the next step? Well, that at least _sounds_ a bit positive. Or should I just drive to the right and impose on her that she has to spend the night with me? At his Lordship's castle? Make her feel that I don't want to be in her flat? Oh, why can't I simply ask her where she wants to go? It wouldn't be too hard, silly man!

When I've told her to drive home she hasn't objected. She's simply nodded with big, not really anxious but expectant eyes, almost curious for what will come, a sheepish smile in her face. Then she's put down her bottle of beer of which she had only a few sips, has lifted Danny who hasn't really woken up but protested sleepily, brought him to Marian and told her we had to go now. Without any further explanation. PC Castrew has given her a naughty grin and went into the house with the boy - and I still wonder why Barbara has mirrored the grin and not rebuked the PC. It's what I clearly would have expected from her. Jenna and Winston haven't felt obliged to react to our good bye in any way. Only when we've already been on the veranda with Castrew they have started to quietly whisper things to each other but it has looked as if their eyes have been still closed.

I've waved goodbye towards Miller who was half asleep on the grass in the middle of the garden. Then we've turned to the exit and Barbara has brushed my hand. I could have sworn she's been about to take it but since she didn't I did and Barbara hasn't withdrawn but even nestled into my side. When I've had to unlock the car door and unfortunately had to let go of her hand she's casually leaned against the metal. It has been hard to resist this sweet temptation. I've so wanted to kiss her up against my car. But of course I only opened the door, held out my hand and gallantly helped her inside.

The graceful way she's taken my hand without a word and sat down in silence has taken my breath away and I still feel my heart pounding when I only think of it. She might not know it yet and I'll probably ask her that certain question very much later but right now Barbara already is my countess in dungarees.

I have to chuckle about that thought and Barbara turns her head to me again. I give her a grin. She returns a short quizzical laugh. I know she's nervous. I don't want her to be nervous. There's nothing to be nervous about. It's what I'm telling myself all the time and still don't act like that. But everything's so easy. And difficult.

Like the question how this night will go on and above all which road I should take. It makes me as nervous as a school-boy.

Well, I guess unlike hers my bed would be the right size for us although we probably won't need so much space when we sleep snuggling close to each other. I feel an exciting twitch between my legs and heat creeps up my neck. The picture of Barbara in my bed, naked in my arms, does funny things with my emotions. Raw sexual desire combined with deep love and pure affection turns my head over my heels and twists my insides completely. I look forward to making lustful love with her, caress her through the night and tomorrow I'm going to prepare the best breakfast she's ever had in her life before we're making love again. Then I blush a bit more because even now I'm taking too many steps at once. We have to get home first and we haven't yet decided which it will be.

Hers or mine? To the left or to the right?

Only a few yards before the decision is inevitably there. I have to stop at a red light before I reach the turning lanes.

"To the right." Barbara's voice is quiet but firm and a quick glance tells me she's blushing and focussing a knob at the old car radio. It's not even on. While she lets her eyes flick over to me for a second and quickly out of the front window she's not really smiling anymore. Her nostrils move a couple of times and again it's obvious to me that she's as nervous as I am. Her smile returns when I keep watching her without putting my foot down again. I don't even recognise the impatient flashes from the car behind us.

Barbara diverts her eyes to the ground. "You've got the green light!" she gently says.

Oh, I hope so! I dearly hope so! I gather speed.

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	18. what if, when, why, what, how, now!

**A/N:** Hello you out there! Yes, you! I know you read this. Why don't you leave a review? I'm not demanding one, of course not, but well, we authors write not only for our own fun, we don't put time and effort and our hearts in these stories just for ourselves but also to amuse you, the reader. I dearly would like to know if I achieve that aim. So please, write a review if you like the story you read, point out nice things, of course point out not so good things and even leave constructive critics if you disagree with something. I know this is only fan fiction and only a small, minor part of world's literature. You're here anyway. I'm here anyway. We all have our fun (more or less) with those silly, perfect, romantic, ridiculous, dramatic and so very unimportant little pieces of writing and that alone makes it important. For you, for me. So, please react so the writer (me) knows the reader (you) is out there. Leave one word or a bunch of sentences, but don't forget that there's a human being behind that pen name, don't forget to always be polite. **Thank you.**

To all those who already review regularly or discuss in personal messages: Thank you for your ongoing support and interest in what we do here. **Thank you very much.**

*breathes deeply* Now let's go on with this story...

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 **...if, when, why, what, how - now!**

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* * *

Okay, that was easy. At least easier than I've thought but it still feels like a bold move. I've finally dared to look at him again and I'd say there's a happy smile in the corner of his eyes. Visible in his sweet little wrinkles. I love it when they appear while he laughs or smiles. His dark hair is combed back today and the unruly lock already starts to fall into his face. I love that too. I've loved that for years and I long to gently push it back. Tommy's keeping his eyes fixed to the road now but according to the speed he suddenly gives his old classic car I'd say he's as excited as I am. Deep inside me. I can hardly breathe with all the joy choking me. A pleasant lump has built up in my throat and I try to secretly harrumph. Our eyes meet again. Only briefly before we both return our stares to the front.

Are we really going to spend the night together at his home? I can't believe it. What are we going to do there?

Somehow I think I know the answer but I don't dare to think about details...

Earlier I was so very sure about what I want but now that the fulfilment of my wish comes near I start to doubt. I really wanted to make love with Tommy, I simply name it, at least in my mind, but now I'm becoming quite insecure. What will we be talking about? Will we have a drink first? Or even more to get some courage? Will we go at it right there in the hall or will he carry me upstairs? Will we undress alone or help each other? Above all - will I meet his expectations?

His expectations. I really do fear them. I'm not as skilled as he is, surely not. Will I disappoint him?

Or will we have no sex at all tonight? Maybe this will be even more disappointing for him. I have to admit it would be disappointing for me too. I really want to explore his body. I want to lightly scratch my fingernails across his skin, kiss his chest, stroke his arms. I long to see him close to me, above me, watch him tenderly smiling when I push that lock out of his face, mirroring my grin when I finally feel him inside.

Oh, heavens! I blush and shoot another glance sideways. He still smiles but his eyes are glued onto the road ahead. Is he blushing too? A penny for his thoughts. The way he looks it's not the case running through his mind. Reassuring hope rises that he's thinking about the same things I do. Of course not in that frightened way I'm thinking but definitely planning the next steps.

I think we will get in, have a drink, settle on his sofa. Then we will have a talk about his case - I know that we will brush this topic. At the end of the day we're both still coppers.

Then eventually we kiss and a bit later discuss our future. If there's such thing as 'our' future at all. But at least we'll have a chat about our relationship. Maybe our relationship will be only short, after our first presumably disappointing night even shorter, I guess. From his point of view. I for once can very well picture me with him for the rest of my life, as strange as it may sound. But I guess it's only a few nights together, but not more. There are so many barriers. We're colleagues. He's my boss. We shouldn't get in any personal relationship at all. They never would allow it - being one of the best teams of the Met completely aside.

And then there's his family. They will disapprove of it anyway. Yes, a little flirt, or rather a hefty but short relationship could be imagined, but not becoming his spouse. Least of all continuing his bloodline. Oh, girl, I never should have started this. I never should have allowed to let my feelings surface. We have no solid base for a relationship, have we? Have we? What's with our friendship for more than ten years? What's with all those little signs of affection which had increased in number lately, which had become a habit even? Don't we both already act like an old couple sometimes? Understand each other without words, work together in a fluent way only matching people could? Be at ease with the other one around? Love each other?

Maybe this next step, and the one that might follow tonight, is written in our fate despite every objection his family could have, despite the possibility that he might lose his title when he marries me. If he wants to marry me that is.

Ah, stop it, Barbara! I have to get rid of those dangerous thoughts. They are way too far in a cloudy distance. But yes, a conversation about his case will be a good start into this night. Then our conversation will drift towards lighter things. I still haven't told him about the Peppa Pig Bobbies on the shed wall for example.

It is now that I realise that I'm still in my ridiculous dungarees. Oh, hell, I'm as sexy as an environmental activist in the 80s! At least I have showered and put on new underwear and a fresh shirt. Oh, damn. I suddenly realise that I wear black sports socks, white cotton knickers and a blue bra! I should have turned on my brain this morning when I've packed that stuff and went to our site. Oh, shit! I'm all but presentable all over.

Painfully and painfully aware of the latter I chew on my lips and divert my eyes out of the side window.

Was I just really thinking about marriage? I'm hardly ready to make love with him.

Yes, I am. Very much so. But what if... Ah, what if, why, how, when... Those questions come up constantly. And constantly changing with courage, constantly changing with the mental strength that everything will fall into its place once we'll reach the respective stages. I'm so torn. And my lips finally ache.

We better only have a conversation tonight. Talk about things, talk about us, maybe kiss eventually, maybe even snog on his sofa. But he shouldn't see my underwear.

Maybe he wouldn't care at all? When we've talked enough and finally kiss and hug and such... I sigh. Maybe he would just want me to get out of those unmatching pieces of cloth? Maybe he wouldn't even care to get us upstairs? Right there on the sofa...

I have a vague image of me sitting in his lap but before I deepen that thought and get mushy all over I try to imagine something different. Mushy is not even the right term. I'm getting aroused, that's a fact.

Maybe I won't care at all? When we are done talking about whatever topic will come to our minds, even if we wouldn't talk at all and get straight to the point and after we've kissed and kissed deeper and snogged our minds away, maybe then I won't care what sort of silly lingerie I wear.

I'd just let him take me wherever we are. Oh, down to earth, Barb! It's not your underwear, it's your courage, your self-consciousness that will keep you from letting go.

And what if I become too bold, too needy, too straightforward? Will I be the one who's going to become the active part once we're there? What if I start to let go, what if I start to ignore fears, objections, whatever else, and turn loose? Will he back away? What if all my hesitancy will be washed away in the second we step into his house? Will it frighten him? Or turn him down?

"Come on in!" Oh, blimey - we're already there! No more time to overthink it. Tommy's opened the door, and now he leads me through the hall. He stops at the door to his living room. I feel his softly guiding hand in the small of my back while I walk past him and shiver slightly.

"What about a nightcap?" he quietly asks. Ah, first a drink it is then. I appreciate that. It will make me lose some of the tension inside.

"I'd love to have one." Stopping near the door I discard my sneakers to make myself comfortable.

A bit shaky-legged I lose my balance and almost fall.

Tommy is right behind my back to catch me.

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	19. Memories

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 **Memories**

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* * *

Every time I get a second of peace, a minute of calmness, a few moments alone in my office, I start to think of Barbara. I shouldn't do it while I'm out and about with one of our team, least of all with DC Maynard. Because every time my mind circles around yesterday evening I can't help but blush.

The image of her won't get off my head soon, I suppose, so I try to distract myself with the list of boring telephone numbers. Well, I could as well call her. Well, nah, better not. I shake my head to myself. It's still early and I think she hasn't to get up before 11 o'clock. I really shouldn't disturb her well earned sleep. I yawn. Bad enough I had to hurry here. There hasn't even been time to tidy up.

But I could send her a text message. She probably wouldn't hear her mobile anyway. Although it very well could be that she's got up and went to the house already.

 _Good morning sleeping beauty_  
 _had to hurry, didnt want to wake you up_  
 _i love and miss you_  
 _TX_

I type it and hit the send button and-

Ah, look who's there. DC Maynard obviously is eager to learn about what we do here. He's come to my office again, just to ask what he should do next. Funny that they've chosen me of all DIs at the Met, given my reputation. How I treat rookies. Although it's not quite right what they say. I don't push them around unfair. I just...

I can literally hear Barbara's interrupting laugh at that and her objections and I have to smile. DC Maynard has his new instructions and fortunately is leaving again. Yes, don't look at me that way, boy. I _am_ able to smile.

Although he doesn't know exactly why I smile and that's definitely good. I blush again.

The evening has developed in the right direction and Barbara's had a huge part in it. From the moment she's told me which way I should drive I've known where it would end.

No, I haven't. In fact I've been desperately racking my brain how it would go on when we were at home. At _my_ home. Which will soon be hers too, or so I hope. But that hasn't been in my mind then. I've thought about what drink to have. I've thought about champagne or whisky or a cocktail. Everything has seemed odd but then a beer has popped into my head. A beer would have been the right nightcap for Barbara. If she would have wanted some. My mind has raced around every bloody detail. Should we have a nightcap at all or not, or should we just sit down and talk a bit? And what would we talk, and where would we talk - in the kitchen or on the comfortable sofa in my lounge?

Then the next steps would have been completely different. I can laugh about it now but when we've been on our way I haven't been certain at all. I dearly have wanted to kiss and make love to her but how could I convince her sitting at the table in my kitchen? How could I carefully get us somewhere on that road when we already sat close on my sofa and everything only looked as if I wanted to seduce her, as if I only wanted to make love to her right then, right there? Which was a nice prospect I've had to admit while we still have been driving to my house.

On that short drive we only have exchanged a few loving looks and a whole bunch of nervous but certain - so very confused - smiles. Then I've parked the car. Barbara hasn't waited until I've hurried around to help her out, not that I've really expected that, so I've only locked the car doors. Side by side we went up the little stairs to my door and I've unlocked it. We haven't even held hands I realise now.

When I've asked her to come in Barbara has looked quite perplexed. She's looked as if her mind has been far away for the last two minutes of our ride and I guess her mind has been thinking about the same mine was.

How will this night go on? Well, it has turned out exactly how it-

The door opens with a swoosh and an eager PC comes in without waiting for an answer. Or have I said what I've said to Barbara last night? Was I so deep in reliving that moment that I've talked to myself? Anyway, he has ripped my thoughts away from the drive home and gets me to focus on the important things at hand. I'm still a detective, no matter how wonderful my night has been. Get back down to earth, DI Lynley! I have to grin. Oh, yes, a very wonderful night.

And it has started very sweet. Having wiped away all the uncertain thoughts what we could do and after I've decided that it would be futile to plan anything I've led her through my hall. I've decided to simply let the evening flow, to do whatever comes to mind, do whatever suits the moment. The kitchen atmosphere would have been too cold, I've told myself, so I've stopped at the door to my lounge. Barbara has hesitated just a second and to reassure her I've placed my hand in her back. I've been keeping myself from looping my arm around her waist but it has been a hard thing not to do so. I've sighed.

Then I've asked if she would want a nightcap. I guess I've only asked because a drop of alcohol would have eased our tensed emotions. Although this shouldn't be an issue and it shouldn't be solved with alcohol either. But still a nightcap would have been a proper and innocent thing.

Obviously Barbara has had similar thoughts because with a nice smile she's answered in the affirmative. She must have been calmer than me in general because she's discarded her shoes at the door as if she's already feeling at home.

I've grinned and have been about to turn to fetch some beer when I've seen her losing her balance. I've been right behind her and then she's literally fallen into my arms.

My heart has raced and on their own my arms have gone up to steady her. We've only stood like that for a second, both not breathing at all, before I've started to caress her. Barbara has turned her head so I've nuzzled through her hair, across her neck and then to a spot behind her ear. I've pressed my body into her back and with my hands on her hip I've breathed her name. Barbara has almost whimpered so I've let my lips trail soothingly across her skin.

Now, looking back from the safety of my office chair, I guess it's had the opposite effect for both of us. In that moment it actually only has turned me on.

I blush again. There may have been moments yesterday when I've told myself that I'd pick a romantic moment to say it but that has been forgotten in that situation. I've been so positively agitated that I've found it hard to not simply blurt it out. I've had to deeply breathe a few times before I've been able to whisper it.

"I love you!" I whisper. I realise I've really whispered it and once more I'm glad that I have my own office and nobody but me is here at the moment.

After my declaration I've looped my arms around her and pulled her tightly into my chest. I've told myself once again to forget all plans, to forget everything I've envisioned. This should be the start of a wonderful night. Yes, right there, right then. I've not cared anymore that this should have become the most romantic night in our lives.

She only should have turned and then-

"Sir!"

"What?! Can't you knock like every other well-bred person?" With a dark red face I growl at the poor DC who's clopped into my office without a knock, without waiting, without knowing what he was disturbing. I deeply inhale. Then I apologize - how could he have known? "Sorry Maynard. You've just... made me jump. I was so deep in thoughts. Please could you knock next time anyway?"

I give him an apologetic smile and he nods. "Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir. Umm... Here's a woman who claims to know our victim, Sir!"

Ah, well, it seems that reality has me back. What a pity. But at least Maynard hasn't disturbed the real juicy memories. Well, that would have been embarrassing...

Anyway, I'm on my way to the interrogation room and I can only hope I'll find one more second to send Barbara another text message. There's so much I want to tell her again and again and again.

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	20. A Very Good Morning

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 **A Very Good Morning**

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* * *

I've woken up to a beeping sound but did not care about my mobile. I've kept lying under this huge soft duvet and only snuggled deeper into it. This was a few minutes, well, ten or fifteen minutes ago and I still lie like that. The pillow my face is buried in smells wonderful. It smells of Tommy and a bit of sweaty action. And there's a huge bit of the heady scent we've left in the entire room during the night. I turn onto my back and finally open my eyes. The room isn't as dimly lit as it was yesterday but the sun's full light is broken by thick curtains that turn everything in Tommy's bedroom into a soothing blueness.

I'm completely, pleasantly knackered although I know that I've slept in. It isn't morning anymore but I don't care about the actual time. I've had a wonderful exhausting night. The bed sheets still feel a bit damp when I let my flat hands slide across them and my body under the duvet is still very warm. Languidly I stroke my naked belly and couldn't help but grin. Then I turn my head and let my eyes wander through the room. Our clothes are still strewn across the floor and form a trail from the door to the bed. I sigh. It has been hesitantly desireful.

The space next to me is empty and I don't hear any sound at all from the rest of the house so I guess Tommy probably was called into the office earlier and had to leave quickly. Otherwise he probably would have tidied up, fetched our clothes and fold them. My Mr Neat. I will have to adjust to that. Straight after I've gotten up from this cosy bed I'll put our clothes away. Even before I'll have my coffee.

I sigh once more. When Tommy's not here anymore there won't be a breakfast waiting in the kitchen. Thinking of breakfast I have to chuckle at the memory of one of his last sentences yesterday night. He has said I would wake up to the best breakfast in the world. Then he's gently gnawed at my shoulder and whispered promising words. "Or maybe we would have just ourselves for a quick bite."

Well, we've had another quick bite right then. And it wasn't something to eat at all. Although hunger was involved. At that point of the night, around 1 o'clock, I guess, we still haven't slept at all.

Anyway later we've eventually slept and my sleep in the morning obviously has been so deep that I haven't heard him leaving. Somehow that's sad but I know he hasn't left without a kiss. I can literally picture him in his work suit, bending down to me and giving me a soft kiss on the hair. I grin. This is such a nice idea so I don't care that there's no note on the bedside table. I know he hasn't left for good. Not after this night. I pull the smell of Tommy closer around my still naked body and deeply breathe.

I'm so worn out I think I'll stay in bed today. If every coming night will be like this I'll be an old lady very soon.

Suddenly my heart skipped a beat and my eyes grow wide. Oh, good gracious. Has he really proposed to me tonight? Or have we rather just talked about the 'possibility' of a marriage? Rationally? Or romantic? I guess it has been something in between all that. I close my eyes. My breath hickups with a small happy sob. I should pinch myself to feel that this is real. When we've talked about it I have said yes, I guess. Agreed to it somehow. And then let me get carried away again. It makes me blush a bit even now.

I have to count. Have we really done it that often? There's the first one... Hmmm, yes, the wonderfully awkward and certain and heavenly exploring first time we made love. It was perfect in its own imperfect way. Of course it was.

I feel a pleasant sizzling in my abdomen when I only think about it. But it wasn't the only time we've made love tonight. Eventually we've dozed off but not really fell asleep and woke up again completely not very much later. We've had a slightly weird conversation about mortality with his head resting on my belly after he's kissed and caressed all those ugly scars there (which he says he loves and thinks to be an important part of me, a part that reminds him of the first moment he knew he felt more for me than just friendship) and his fingers softly playing with my breasts. Quite a strange situation to talk about age and that life is endless. We've also talked about the loss of his wife and it hasn't been awkward at all. Well, not really at all in fact but somehow we've managed to seriously talk about her without letting it become too strange. His fingers on my breast and his lips on my belly - and after a while distinctively more downwards - have brought our interest towards certain topics that were closer at hand. So to say.

I chuckle and try to get rid of the image of his mop of hair between my legs. I've paid back. And _this_ really still makes me blush.

I count that as one, which means the second time, so the third was when I've returned from the loo a couple of hours later. I've found him openly naked, sitting with his back resting against the headboard of his bed. First I've coyly hesitated in the doorframe. The lights in the room still were on so he has asked me to turn them off. That way I've been able to fulle recognise what he's done while I was outside. One candle has flickered on the left and one on the right bedside table. Tommy has told me that he has found them while he was looking for some sweets. At first I've laughed about the fact that he has expected to have sweets in his nightstand but then the romance of the scenery sunk in. Why I've put on his bathrobe I still don't know - we've been alone here - but it's given me the great opportunity to open it slowly and let it glide down my shoulders. I've watched his reaction and can't say that I was unpleased with what I saw. Although I still can't believe that it is me who has such an arousing effect on him. As well as I still can't believe that I've dared giving him that show.

I've slowly stepped forward and crawled across him from the footend up to his sitting position leaving kisses everywhere my lips could reach - I mean _everywhere_. We haven't needed much more foreplay for the following joy-ride. Again I blush by the memory. I don't know me anymore but the sensual sexual person I've discovered is one I really do like. I chuckle again. That person has also initiated the next - and final - round a bit later. Tommy has been asleep and my hands have woken him up. He still has been very sleepy when he's said that he's had a nice dream of our wedding. With his fingers caressing my hand which was playing with his manhood he's said that I'd _have_ to marry him if I go on like this. I've gone on like this, with my arms around him from behind and my fingers still at his best part. I've gently bit his shoulder and said something like "Well, then so be it."

Well, yes, I guess, that's it. I think we are engaged now. Sort of. I guess he's also seen it as a 'yes' because suddenly his body has switched into gear, he's turned around to me with a deep growl and we've had fast and powerful and very exhaustingly satisfying sex. I have the vague impression of my fingernails digging deep into the flesh of his back.

I blush and tentatively feel at my neck and shoulder. The skin there still is quite sensitive. And I guess it's as pink as the lovebite on my breast. Oh, good gracious, it's summer, it's not getting any cooler in the next days. How could I hide his marks? Tommy is a bad boy! This thought makes me chuckle again and shake my head in joyful disbelief. I only can hope I'll find a shirt with a collar that hides these witnesses of love and lust when I go out of this house. _If_ I go out of here at all, that is. I yawn.

Again I decide to simply stay in bed today but another beep from my mobile disturbs me sliding into dream world again. Groaning I turn and wonder who has put my phone onto the bedside table. I've definitely had it in my bag and I've left it downstairs. Of course Tommy has put it there. It's his lovely messages I read. The first that has woken me up earlier and this now which is even sweeter.

 _Too much to tell you, won't fit  
into single text +too busy  
chasing murderer/leading  
maynard/avoiding hillier  
mind constantly w/you  
miss you much  
I LOVE YOU_  
 _TX_

I lay back onto the still wonderfully smelling pillow and closing my eyes I press the mobile into my chest. I am thinking about what I could answer when the mobile rang. Oh, how wonderfully wonderful, I inwardly jubilate, he's found a minute to call me. I don't need to check the caller ID and simply answer.

"Yah?" I sigh into the mic and close my eyes again. In the next second I open them wide again. Jenna's boisterous laugh wakes me up completely.

"So will you finally get dressed and come around?" she eventually managed to giggle through the line. "There are still a few things that need to be done here."

That was something I've completely forgotten. I groan annoyed. "Give me a bit, you gadfly!"

While I shower my still agitated mind returns to what has happened the previous evening.

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 **A/N:** Thank you so far for reading and leaving reviews. I appreciate it very much and the reviews have teased me to write a second chapter to this _one-shot_ and even to go further.

Tess

P.S.: For some of you there will be a 21st chapter ;-)


	21. A Sandwich

**WARNING!** This chapter definitely is **M-rated**. You should not read it if you aren't prepared for reading about things going on between lovers (and such). **This is a serious warning! If you don't like that stuff then don't read it. If you read it anyway then don't blame me!**

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 **A/N:** The actual story is finished. If you dare to read on you'll get two more chapters but if you dislike M-rated stuff you better stay away. All the others: enjoy...

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 **A Sandwich**

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Lunchbreak. Finally! Finally I have a few longer moments for myself. Maynard doesn't know where I am and I've set my mobile on silence. Apart from that it would be busy anyway because I'm calling Barbara. That is, I'm trying to call her. Again. Hers is going straight to voicemail for the third time in a row so in the end I just leave a short message.

"I love you! Dinner at eight?"

Pleased with myself that I am such an eloquent boy I order a ham and cheese sandwich with chips and sip at my water. I know for sure that this evening will be as gorgeous as last night. I lean back in my chair and try to picture what will happen. Maybe we'll have a nice hot bath today. We probably both will need some relaxation after the previous night and the hard work of the day. And - oh, yes! I sigh - there will be so many wonderful opportunities in my bathroom. While I think about it my mind automatically wanders back to Barbara in my bathrobe. I still don't know why she's put it on when she's just had to cross the corridor. And we've been alone at my home, of course, may he rest in peace, my good old Denton. But for me, and I think for Barbara too, it was well worth it.

My memories make my face turn into a contented smile.

I guess the cold she's left next to me has waken me up in the middle of the night. Hearing her in the bathroom I haven't wondered for too long where she might have gone. Then I've felt a bit of hunger so I've looked for a chocolate bar - I usually have some in my bedside table because I love to nibble something while I read in bed (don't tell anybody!) - but instead I've found two big candles. Now, I've completely forgotten that they were there but they've come in handy. I've set up romantic lights and was about to turn off the main lamps when I've heard the toilet flushing so I've just quickly gone back to bed and leaned myself in a sitting position against the headboard.

There I've been. And I've been completely starkers. I still chuckle about my bluntness.

I've just wanted to tease her a bit with that, and of course get her back to me. Snuggle a bit and then maybe make love with her again. Well, we've did just that but completely different to what I've had expected.

Barbara has returned from the toilet and stopped in the doorframe as if she's been too shy to come back to me. With a low voice I've asked her to turn off the lights and so she's done. For a moment she's just watched the scene with the candles flickering on the left and on the right side and me naked in the middle of the bed. She's laughed lightly and a bit disbelieving when I've told her I've found them on my search for a chocolate bar but then her expression has turned serious.

Seductively serious.

Very slowly she's opened the belt of my bathrobe that has covered her beautiful body. I've swallowed. Even slower she's let it glide from her left shoulder and then from the right without stopping to look at me. I haven't been able to keep eye contact. I've had to watch her fingers. And the bared, slightly tanned skin of her shoulders. I've swallowed again and felt a nice strong twitch between my legs. I guess Barbara has seen it too - I haven't bothered to cover me. If I remember correctly she's briefly widened her eyes. Without a sound the bathrobe has slid to the floor one moment later and my eyes appreciatively have wandered down and up her entire naked body. A sweet deep blush has crept from her face down her neck and across her shoulders.

She's smiled when once again her eyes briefly checked my growing member approving of her strip and I admit I've also blushed a bit because I already have been highly aroused by then. Seeing Barbara taking a few steps forward with slightly swaying hips only has added to it. I've swallowed again and almost haven't been able to stay where I was. But this has been Barbara's moment. This has been her show for me. I've known she's not used to anything like this when I've seen her shy smile. Well, shy and yet very much aware of what she's been about to do to me. And still very much amazed what she's been prompting.

Barbara has crossed the room in slow strides. At the footend of my bed she's knelt onto the mattress and then bent forward, still looking at me. Her breasts have been an alluring sight but there has been more to come. Then she's crawled a bit forward and started to leave small kisses on my legs. A crawl with her right side has made her kissing my right shin. Another crawl on the left side has made her kissing my left knee. Like a cat she's brushed my skin with her fingernails, then both of my thighs have been evenly blessed with more little kisses until I've deeply exhaled the breath I've been holding.

She's reached the top of my left thigh. Gently her breasts have hovered across my knees. I've stopped breathing again.

"Hello, little big fellow!" Barbara has breathed onto my erection before she's left a juicy wet kiss there.

"Barbara!" I've hissed when she's straddled my leg and let me know how wet her center has been already. It has been accompanied by a wet trace of her tongue across my full length. Barbara only has hummed a fake-innocent "Hmmm?!" and shot her eyes up to mine. She's placed her flat hands on my hip with her thumbs pressing into the valley to my legs.

For only a couple of seconds her lips have been around the tip of my dick then. At the same time her tongue quickly slid across it and her hands stroked my hip. Even her teeth tenderly - but probably unintended - brushed the head.

I've sharply inhaled once, then squeezed my breath through my throat. If she'd go on like this I wouldn't be able to stand it for long. Fortunately - well, so to say - she's stopped those ministrations and started to kiss my body upwards. Her wet folds constantly have rubbed across my leg and I haven't been able to keep my fingers away from her. As slowly as she has moved her lips and tongue - oh, my, she's softly bit my nipples and I've almost moaned! As slowly as she's moved upwards my hands have slid down her sides until she's reached my throat with her lips.

By that time the trail of my hands has ended in grabbing her bottom cheeks. After she's straddled me completely and finally her lips have met mine I've lifted her and easily let my shaft slid into her.

I've deeply groaned, contented that I've finally been able to feel her around me again. Surprised by my movement Barbara has just meowled. "Ooouuw, Toooom!"

There hasn't been any more need for a foreplay. What she'd done to me had been arousing enough and I've finally gotten my reward for keeping still on the bed while she's had her vicious way with me. That I've not been the only one of us both who has wanted to ride fast then I've recognised when she's growled into my ear a few seconds later.

"Blimey, yes!" she's moaned when I've sucked at her breast. And although we've already set a fast pace she's put in the next gear.

"Sandwich, luv?"

"What?!" I jerk. A female voice that isn't Barbara's has ripped me from my lascivious memories. "Umm, sorry, I was miles away." _Oh, good gracious!_ I wriggle on my seat and pull the chair closer to the table pretending to have been eagerly waiting for my lunch. _Seriously, old man, you should shut off your brain from those juicy memories when you're in public._

"Ah, such a lucky lady! Here's your sandwich and chips." The waitress gave me a tired smile and puts the plate in front of my nose. "Well, keep on smiling, luv. Enjoy your meal."

At least she doesn't pinch my cheeks like my old aunt did when I was a boy. When she's leaving my table again I decide that next time I go to my usual place and not to that cheap diner even though Maynard would be able to find me there. Although it probably wouldn't be any less embarrassing to be caught by him again.

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	22. The Overture

**WARNING!** This chapter definitely is **M-rated**. You should not read it if you aren't prepared for reading about things going on between lovers (and such). **This is a serious warning! If you don't like that stuff then don't read it. If you read it anyway then don't blame me!**

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 **A/N:** This chapter is a bit different for multiple reasons and it's slightly longer than the ones before. Here's a little treat for you. Enjoy...

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 **The Overture**

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When I discarded my shoes I lost balance and fell backwards. I was not overly surprised that Tommy was right behind me but when I fell against his chest and his hands immediately were at my arms to steady me my heart suddenly was beating faster. For a second we just stood like that and I guess we both stopped breathing. Then he relaxed. His grip softened. His thumbs caressed my upper arms.

When I involuntarily cocked my head to the side with already closed eyes Tommy stepped another bit forward and snuggled into my back. His hands slid down my sides. They rested on my hips and I would say he was slightly pulling me backwards. His nose nuzzled through my hair and then down and behind my ear.

"Barbara!" he breathed. I failed at suppressing the whimpering sound that had built in my throat and was released when a shiver ran across my side. His lips caressed a soft trail on my neck before they returned to my ear.

"I love you!" he whispered and I stopped breathing again. His arms went around me and crossed above my stomach. They pulled me back into his chest. Then his voice turned serious and firm and I could tell there was a hint of desperation and desire in it. His words were soft but so fast that he almost stumbled with them. "Barbara, I love you. I have for several years although I've never allowed myself to name my feelings. I do now. I never thought something like this could happen when we've first met ten... well, more than ten years ago, but now I'm so very sure about it. About us. All the way here my mind raced. I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know how to shape this evening, what to do, what to talk about, have a drink or not, or simply watch TV and cuddle on the sofa." He gave a short soundless laugh that made me smile. I rested my head against his shoulder and covered his arms with my hands. "Now I know that I just want to kiss you. I'm so sure that I want to caress you. I want to undress you and make love with you until the day breaks."

With his solid body pressed into mine and his soft words whispered into my ears I could only sharply exhale his name.

"Tommy!" I was a bit surprised I could sound shocked, excited and pleased at the same time. Unperturbed Tommy went on.

"I know we are the most weird couple of all times but I don't care. I dearly want to take a chance on us. I believe this will work. I believe we are ready to put our relationship on the next level. I wouldn't even care if they would separate us at work as long as you would stay in my life. I..." He swallowed and let his lips linger on my earlobe.

"Tommy, shut up!" I gently whispered. My whole body was burning with desire. I did not know if he knew what he was doing but the softly nudging movements of his groin against my back had aroused me. Without shame I had wriggled my body back against him. This was not the time to make declarations. This was not the time to talk about our future. This was not even the time for thinking. This was the time to let go.

"I just want to assure you that-"

"I _am_ sure!" I almost blurted out cutting him short.

"Turn!" Tommy growled and loosened the grip of his arms around me.

I turned.

In an instant his demanding, his gentle, his hesitantly desirous lips were on mine. Immediately I forced them apart with my tongue and invaded his mouth. Being a bit caught off-guard Tommy shortly paused before he answered my initiative. I grabbed the armseyes of his waistcoat and pulled him lower, down to me. We both stumbled backwards against the wall.

Feeling his arousal enjoyably pressed into my abdomen I start to undo each and every single button of his waistcoat. Here and now, I decided. His lips were on mine. His lips were on my chin. His lips wandered to my neck and behind my ear and I loudly sighed. Only three buttons done and he already had opened the bib of my dungarees and pushed it down. His fingers quickly moved under my sweater.

"Tommy!" I breathed when he gently stroked the bared skin on my waist for the first time. Well, for the first time without other people's eyes resting on us.

His head went up and he looked at me. Probably he had seen my desparation because he croaked "Let me help you with this." and started to unbutton his waistcoat quite skilful and definitely quicker than I had. It landed on the floor next to my shoes but before it hit the ground I already have pulled his shirt from his trousers.

Tommy would not want to fall behind with undressing me so he hurried to pull my sweater over my head. The buttons of his shirt were much easier to open but when I had reached the half of it Tommy stilled my hands and gave me a serious look.

"Stop!" he said.

Wait, what?! We can't stop now! Or was he getting second thoughts? My stomach cringed. I bit my lip and must have looked quite anxious because Tommy tried to kiss my worries away. "Not that, Barbara!" he whispered. He must have read my mind again. "I just don't want to shag you against the wall. I want to make love to you slowly. I don't want to rush through this. I'd like to relish every second and I want to last them for hours. I want us to take our time. I want to caress you at a slow pace until you dissolve under my fingers and I want to explore every square inch of your skin, every millimetre of your body." I stood on tip toes and pressed my lips onto his.

"You're talking too much!" I mumbled. His sweet words already made me starting to dissolve.

"I'm nervous." He sounded apologetic.

I had to look at him to know that he was serious. "Nervous?" I asked. "You?!"

He nodded. "I so desperately want you. But I want to make it right. I want to make this perfect. This time, with you, here, now... it _has_ to be perfect. You deserve that it's perfect."

I almost cried. Tommy was nervous about making love to me? _I_ was nervous. Like hell. But not his Lordship! Then I blushed because I just realised that he not only has pulled off my sweater but my T-shirt too. Past his fingers that were caressing my side I looked to the ground. This has turned awkward. I could have coped better with the pure lust from the first moments. It would have spared me any thinking about it.

I shrugged. "This is... Can't we just..." Tommy cupped my cheek with his hand. His thumb caressed my cheek bone.

"Barbara, look at me." he whispered and only continued when I finally had raised my head. His reassuring smile put a nervous smile on my own lips. "We can do whatever you want. We even can stop completely at this point. I won't talk you into anything. I just... I'd just love to go upstairs." His voice turned even softer. "I want us to undress each other slowly, explore each other with all the time in the world, make love to each other on the bed, with a romantically dimmed lamp and not in the embarassingly blaring lights of my lounge."

Breathless I nodded. How did he just do this? He had turned the awkwardness from just a second ago into a joyfully expectant moment with only a few words. And my knees into jelly once more.

Then he crushed his lips on mine and pushed me up against the wall. Has he changed his- _Oh, shut up brain!_ After a few breathless, heavy snogging seconds he let go of me and panted with a smirk "Although this is only stalled for later."

I actually chuckled. Then Tommy took my hand and softly pulled me in the direction of the stairs.

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"Champagne?" he asked.

I shook my head. "You're perfectly good." I blushed. I still do not know how we managed the billions of steps but I remember that he pulled me into an embrace on the first landing. We kissed softly yet desireful before we went on upstairs. In front of the door to his bedroom I hesitated.

"What is it?" His voice was quiet and I could hear an anxious undertone.

"I've never been to your bedroom before, Tommy." I almost choked on my words.

"Well, I've never been to yours either." he replied and gave me another reassuring kiss. We probably both had the same ridiculous memory because suddenly he grinned so we broke apart. "Mmh, at least not in a romantic way."

We looked at each other and dwelled on our own thoughts about that weird day two years ago. I caressed his cheek and after a while he bent down and kissed me again. I heard the doorhandle. Butterflies started a wild dance in my stomach.

"I love you, Barbara." The door swung open and Tommy gently nudged me so I stepped inside. With the dimmer switch he turned on the lights. "I think candles would've been appropriate but actually I'm a bit unprepared."

By the mention of preparing his eyes went wider and I knew he was thinking of contraception so before this was getting awkward again I pulled him down to me. Almost growling I told him that I could not care less and fortunately Tommy understood. "Are you sure?" he asked between furious kisses.

"Sure as hell." I almost had finished opening the rest of the buttons at his shirt. The eagerness from earlier had returned but once more he stilled my hands. The kiss we shared was a long and gentle reassuring. Then he suddenly stood before me with no shirt on. I did not know how that had happened. All I knew was that it had been me who had undressed him. And all I had to do now was letting him get me out of my bra. But he just loopsidedly grinned.

"The clasp of a woman's bra is a mysterium that I probably never will understand. Will you do me the favour?" he murmured.

So I took a step backwards and with a blushing face but a smile I opened it. "Wait!" Tommy followed me into the room and with gentle fingertips he pushed the straps from my shoulders. I sighed. The feathery touch of his fingertips had burnt on my skin. While I wriggled out of my bra he placed brief kisses on my bared shoulder. His fingertips still stroked my upper arms, his thumbs almost secretly caressing the outsides of my breasts, so I felt a light shower of goosepimples running across my skin. It turned my nipples into small buds. Then he made another small step forward and we both stopped breathing when we watched and felt our chests touching for the first time. A shiver went through me and from the reaction of his mamillas I could tell he was as delighted as me.

"Oh, Barbara!" he whispered.

For a few moments we stood like this. Then I lifted my head and we only exchanged a short look before our lips met again. Our warm bodies were pressed into each other skin on skin. Almost imperceptibly he manoeuvred me towards his bed. I almost tripped over my dungarees on the floor and his waistband was no real support because I had already opened his belt, button and zipper. Something I only realised by then. His arms though held me close to him so we did not stumble straight onto his bed.

Unfortunately, I first thought. But then again it gave me the opportunity to push his trousers over his hip and help them fall down. They slid to the ground. Tommy made a step to the side and took me with him. My hands roamed his naked skin while his tongue pushed deeper into my mouth. Overwhelmed by desire I breathed a moan into his lungs. His grip around me tightened.

I slid my hands under his underwear and grabbed his buttocks. It was accompanied by an approving nasal sound he made without our lips disconnecting. The next step backwards brought the hollows of my knees against his bed. I wanted to look at him but my eyes only went down south. He had wriggled himself against my belly all the time, making me feel the hard bulge under his briefs, so I thought I knew what I had to expect. I had not expected to see the head of his soldier already trying to get free.

With tentative fingers I softly touched it.

"Barbara!" Tommy moaned. I could not help but grin smugly. Slowly I pushed the cloth away and when I looked into his face I saw him blushing.

"You have very indecent thoughts, hm?" I bluntly said. immediately I blushed like him but it earned me another desireful kiss during which he freed himself completely. "Tommy!" I shrieked when he finally lifted me up from the ground and carried me around his bed to its side from where he gently placed me in the middle of the mattress.

Faster than I could say 'hey' he slipped the socks from my feet and threw them somewhere into the room. Then he laid down next to me, his naked chest above my breasts, his face close to mine. Tommy seriously looked into my eyes and pushed a stray strand of hair out of my face.

"At the risk of making it awkward, I still have to ask again." I sighed and closed my eyes. He gave me a kiss and I opened them again. "I forgot to buy condoms. Just to be clear, are you sure we should go ommmmh..."

I had pulled his face back down onto my lips. "Just to be clear, Tommy," I panted after this hefty kiss. "I am sure as hell. I'd live with the consequences. With every. possible. consequence."

The topic did not come up again. If there would have been any second thoughts they were drowned out in a feverish kiss.

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Tommy was half on my upper body and during this kiss he moved his knee between my legs. I embraced him but my grip was not firm enough to keep him from moving his lips away from mine. Half disappointed and half intrigued where he would end his kisses' trail I let him. When he obviously recognised that I was relaxed and enjoyed what he did he kissed a wet trace from my openly presented throat down across my decollete. He must have heard my heart beating loud against my ribcage because I felt his lips spreading into a smile when they reached my hardened nipple.

The joy was on both sides.

Tommy gave it a softly sucking kiss. My left hand ruffled the hair in his nape and my right one squeezed his shoulder. In that moment I realised that I had wiped away every possible fear, deleted every former objection and started to ignore every other supposed reason why this should not be, why this could not become the best thing that ever had happened to me. And I was not just regarding having sex with him. I was regarding a relationship with Tommy, a life with him, every consequence included. I felt it deep inside me.

Well, yes, and I was definitely giving in to the gorgeous feeling of being physically loved right now.

I opened my eyes - I had not realised that I had closed them once more - and looked at Tommy. He had stopped kissing my breasts and watched me. He was smiling.

"I love how you're smiling." he mumbled. "You're enjoying this?

"Very much so." I whispered.

"So am I."

Tentatively I pushed back the wayward lock of his hair that had fallen into his face. Not that I had brought much order into his dark ruffled mop but I could not resist.

"I've wanted to do this for years!" I whispered. With a nod of his head the lock fell back over his eyebrow. Tommy smiled before he returned his focus to my breasts. Playfully he pulled at the hard bud with his teeth and I had to close my eyes again. The grin on my face widened while I let my head sink deeper into the pillow.

Tommy's shoulder went out of reach when his lips moved a bit lower. He placed a few light kisses around my navel. Only then I realised he was trying to pull down my knickers. I pushed my hips up to help him, thus grinding a very sensitive spot against his chin.

"Mh!" I involuntarily moaned and heard a light chuckle from down there. It made me continue to smile. With my knickers being thrown towards my socks we both were completely naked now. Not knowing how he got between my legs with both knees I stared at him looking down to me with the most loving eyes. I blushed a bit, not because he was not hiding his erection but because I felt so openly presented to him. Which I was. He knelt there and if he would bow down he could easily reach my most secret parts. He did bow down but his lips were placed an inch above my curls.

"Not now." he hummed with his lips on my skin. It sent a shiver full of expectations through my abdomen. His hands slid up and down my thighs a couple of times and then across my waist up to the sides of my breasts and back down to my waist again. The tip of his tongue followed the scars on my belly but Tommy breathing my name and an almost inaudible "I love you so much!" on them let any possible embarrassment vanish in cloudy joy. I did not hear every word he whispered but I will never forget the tingling feeling that filled my entire body while his roaming lips breathed sweet nothings on my skin.

Eventually Tommy moved upwards to my face again. He supported most of his weight on his arms that were propped into the mattress on the left and right side of me. We slowly exchanged deep kisses that built up a sizzling tension between my legs I almost had forgotten throughout all the years of frustration. Only after a few moments I also felt that his hard erection pressed against me and added to the gorgeous feeling of arousal. I started to slowly rock up against him.

Or have I done this for some time already?

Anyway something had changed because Tommy breathed an approving "Mmh, yes!" at the spot right under my ear. While he had left small kisses on my face and my neck and on my shoulder I simply had placed my lips on every spot that had been within reach. Now I gently nibbled at his shoulder. The feeling of his warm body over mine was gorgeous and everything in me tingled. The room had turned hotter and I was sweating. Our bodies with wet and heated skin easily slid across each other. Then I felt Tommy reaching down and between us. I stopped breathing. He helped his cock get between my folds but left his fingers there. A soft pressure on my clit made me whimper delighted and squirm against his hand.

I voiced an "Oooh!" and bent my knees up to give him more access to the centre where I really wanted to feel him. I wanted to feel him inside. I was so ready. Feeling him sliding his length through the wetness between my folds only added to my wantonness. A second later Tommy's hand came next to my head again and our lips were glued at each other in another salacious kiss. Our hips moved against the other, he ground himself deeper but not inside and I pressed my pelvis against him in order to change that.

He still had not reached the goal. It only had turned slightly wilder and our movements had turned more desperate when he suddenly stopped. I opened my eyes.

* * *

Tommy looked down to me with small drops of sweat on his forehead. His chest glistened in the dimmed light. He was as heated as me. He had stopped breathing. His quizzical eyes actually asked for permission and although we were not saying anything my blushing smile indicated enough approval to make his face turn soft and joyful.

Before he could move his hand down to help himself on the last bits of his journey I pushed it aside and took over that job. Tommy grinned because I only helped him to get to the entry. He would know the way. Leaving him alone down there I had to close my eyes.

Only slowly, millimetre by millimetre, Tommy slid into me. Eventually I opened my eyes again and saw him looking equally pleased and curious. I relished every bit of his way into my inner sanctum. I stopped breathing. My eyes widened. His pupils dilated. He furrowed his brows. Tommy was so slow and hesitant, his joyful face showed just that tad of pain so I knew he held back his true wish. I could feel his restraint when he finally could not get any deeper and then groaned a quiet sensual sound into the space of the room.

"I'll never forget that beautiful sight of you, Barbara." he panted. He had held his breath while he slid into me and it was a very long while. Hearing him talking like that made me blush again. But this was not the end of it. There was more to come. I longed for relief so I closed my eyes and pushed my hips up to his. I knew he could get deeper. He had to get deeper. I tensed up my inner muscles and it made him breathe out loudly.

"Oh, Tommy!" I quietly breathed before we fell into the same slow rocking motion. "Yes!"

We kissed and caressed each other without feeling any need to hurry. Tommy let his length slide almost completely out of my cave and then back deep inside for countless times. I felt him growing bigger inside and I felt me tightening around him. Eventually we totally stopped that light pumping and just rolled around multiple times while we were firmly connected. Once I was on top and indulged in tickling his chest and leave kisses on his shoulder, then again he pressed me into the mattress with almost every pound of him while he let me savour a breathtaking fight of our tongues. Then we rolled so I could straddle and sweetly torture him with arching my back like a cat thus bringing our connection into a different but satisfyingly more pleasant angle. It made him growl and dig his fingers into my thighs. And then he pushed me to the side, of course following me, making me roll onto my back while he pushed his groin deeper into mine.

That was when it started to become more intense. Again Tommy supported his weight with his arms next to me and slowly increased the rhythm of his penetrations. My heavy breathing turned into an elaborate panting. I did not want to go slow anymore. I wanted to feel him as deep and hard as it could get.

"Oh, deeper, Tommy!" I involuntarily moaned toneless. I opened my eyes in shock about my unusual outburst only to see him smiling fondly and lecherous at the same time.

"Like this?" he hoarsely asked and painfully slowly he pushed his manhood deeper inside my needy cave. This was exactly what I liked. This was exactly what I needed. I arched under a wave of pleasure and knew this would become even more pleasure for us.

"Oh, gawd, yes!" I moaned again. "Yes, Tommy!"

We pressed into each other repeatedly now and distinctively quicker. But still it was not really hurried and somehow we were able to keep that languid feeling of deepness while we were climbing our love-ladder with every slow thrust. It was almost painfully slow.

"Faster!" I whimpered. I tried to move faster, I tried to make Tommy move faster but it did not really work. "Faster, please, oh, Tommy!"

It had the opposite effect. It made him stop completely. Tommy brought his lips to my ears and whispered that he wanted to feel my muscles milk him. I blushed by his words but my muscles involuntarily twitched once. He breathed in and out through his nose before he spoke again. "Like this!" My muscles twitched again.

A twitch of his erection deep inside me finally made me groan in pleasure and arch into him again. The automatic twitches of my inner muscles were at a higher rate now so Tommy had mercy and started to thrust again. "I want to feel, I want to cherish every second you're tightening around me." he whispered. His voice was hoarse and restraint and I knew he also would love to pump into me. This thought alone made me groan again. I grabbed his upper arms and looped one leg around his knees so my right heel was on his right calf.

* * *

At some point I could not control my muscles anymore. "Oh, Tommy!" I sighed when I felt heat rushing through my body. The sizzling started to centre in my female insides. That was exactly when he started to let go a bit and increased the pace another bit. Then he changed again the angle of our connection so he was not only pounding into me but moving across my swollen clit at the same time. I was not sure but it felt as if there was a hand between us too.

It triggered an almost endless orgasm. I forgot how often I called out his name. Three or four small first waves of delight shook me before I really came hard for the first time. I moaned and arched and pushed my wet and constricting centre up against him, around him, covering him completely. Then I only cooled down a bit. Tommy had not yet released. He was not finished with me yet and that made me feel like I was in a hot heaven. Accompanied by his lustful groans a few times his muscles still pushed him forward and deeper and deeper into me until he was able to grace me with another wave of small but gorgeous orgasms. Tommy growled my name when I finally felt his hard member hitting my womb and through the haze of my own second climax I felt him spilling hot into me.

Our groans had been lustful, joyful, loud. Our climax had been shared. And now we both panted and held each other for a while, still connected, our bodies as well as our minds. After Tommy had shuddered with lust for the last time he had stilled for another second and then crushed down on the matress next to me with an exhausted moan, turning me with him slightly sideways. We laid like that for what felt like hours before we moved again. Just a bit to find a more comfortable position. That way he slid out of me but I was not at all disappointed because our minds still were bonded and we were far from disconnected. Our wet bodies still were pressed against each other. I had not yet opened my eyes and gently stroked his shoulder. Tommy's arms held me loosely.

"Oh, Barbara!" he breathed. His lips lingered on mine for a while.

"Oh, wowza!" I could not help it, it just slipped out of my mouth. Opening my eyes and slightly blushing I nervously laughed. Tommy answered with a grin.

"Wowza?" he gently asked and winked. "Was that 'wowza'?"

At first I could only nod. "Very much so." I gave him a small kiss. "I love you, Tommy!" I whispered with a smile and felt him tightening his arms around my body. The next kiss intensified. Completely out of breath we broke apart eventually. When I felt his fingers combing my hair behind my ear and his thumb wiping some sweat from my forehead I finally opened my eyes again. I saw a tear in his eyes.

"It's so wonderful to hear that from your lips, Barbara." he choked. "I love you too."

After another soft kiss he gave me the hitherto most expensive handkerchief to deal with the inevitable - in fact he just held it out to me but then tenderly did it himself while we were smiling at each other and then we both settled deeper into the pillows and slowly dozed off.

This had been an overwhelming experience. This had been gorgeous. But it was not at all the end. It was just the start of a mind-blowing night, the overture to an all-consuming journey to the next morning.

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 **A/N:** Fini. This is it. The end. Thanks again.

Tess

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And here's a **CHALLENGE** for other writers: What happened on that "weird day two years ago" when Tommy was in Barbara's bedroom? It has to be a ridiculous incident but it should not end in a romantic way. At least not with them getting together. I'm curious. ;-) **  
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